December 10, 2007

Get hundreds of dollars back from Visa and Mastercard

For once I’m happy to see a lawsuit get a big settlement, $313M.

I remember sitting in the Bruxelles office on a lonely Friday night in 2004, tediously doing my expenses from a month of trips to Paris, when I realized that Citibank was converting my euro-based purchases at 0.8 euro to the dollar. At the time, the prevailing quoted exchange rate was 0.83, and the euro had never been as bad as 0.8. (Oh for the good old days of an only slightly-weak dollar!)

I called Citibank, who swore up and down that the exchange rate used was the prevailing interbank rate and that they added no markup. I later learned that Citibank was adding 2% and Visa was adding 1%, which was not disclosed. The customer service rep, her manager, and some other expert I talked to were either stupid or liars. I’ll give Citibank the benefit of the doubt. This is the bank that’s so uncoordinated that Citi Mortgage demanded I go to a Citibank and pay them $65 for cancelled checks that I then had to send to Citi Mortgage.

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that you can get all these fees, from 1996 to 2006, refunded. I figure that between visits to 66 countries over the course of almost 300 days abroad, I probably spent $30,000 on credit and ATM cards. With a 3% fee, that’s $900 I’m owed. Add it up for yourself and it might come to a nice chunk of change.

Visit www.ccfsettlement.com to file your claim.

Posted by adrianjo at 12:04 AM

September 23, 2007

Shame on Columbia

Dartmouth alumni don't have a monopoly on being ashamed of their alma mater. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinijad is coming to Columbia tomorrow, at Columbia's invitation. He's there because Columbia likes the attention. Brit shows her cootchie and Columbia invites a terrorist to campus--it's all the same. Yet it also shows the deep anti-Americanism of the left, including all the way up through Ivy League presidents, who hate America's miliary so much that they invite terrorists to campus but actively deny the ROTC and military recruiters the same right.

The Wall St Journal brilliantly captured the hypocricy on Friday:

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has his doubts about whether the Holocaust happened. He thinks the Jewish state should be wiped off the map. His regime funnels sophisticated munitions to Shiite militias in Iraq, who use them to kill American soldiers.

Oh, and by the way, his regime also executes homosexuals for the crime of being themselves. Maybe if Columbia University President Lee Bollinger were aware of the latter fact he would reconsider his invitation to the Iranian president to speak on his campus next Monday.

Mr. Bollinger, notoriously, voted in 2005 not to readmit an ROTC program to Columbia (absent from the university since 1969), ostensibly on the grounds of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding gay service members. Never mind that other upper-tier schools, including Princeton, Dartmouth, Cornell and the University of Pennsylvania all have ROTC programs. Never mind, too, that in 2003 the Columbia student body voted in favor of readmission by a 2-1 margin. In Mr. Bollinger's view, "the university has an obligation, deeply rooted in the core values of an academic institution and in First Amendment principles, to protect its students from improper discrimination and humiliation."


Two young homosexual men are prepared for hanging in Iran for the crime of being gay. --AJ.

Mr. Bollinger's position might at least be coherent were he not now invoking the same principles to justify his invitation to Mr. Ahmadinejad, whose offenses to gay rights and any other form of human dignity considerably exceed the Pentagon's. After promising that he would introduce the president "with a series of sharp challenges" -- including Iran's "reported support" for international terrorism -- he went on to say that "it is a critical premise of freedom of speech that we do not honor the dishonorable when we open the public forum to their expression."

We're all for free speech and the vigorous exchange of intellectual differences, though we don't see how Mr. Bollinger can be, given his decision to discriminate against young men and women who seek to make careers in the military. We also don't quite see how the right to free speech -- a freedom Mr. Ahmadinejad conspicuously denies his own people -- is tantamount to the right to an illustrious pedestal. Columbia is a selective institution in its choice of students as well as speakers; its choices confer distinction on those whom it selects. Were it otherwise, Mr. Ahmadinejad would surely have better uses for his time.

We will say this for Mr. Bollinger: The tough-guy act he promises for Monday's introduction will be something to watch. This time the irrepressible Mr. Ahmadinejad, we're sure, will bow his head in awe.

That $1300 I pledged to the university still hasn't been sent.

Posted by adrianjo at 01:38 PM

May 12, 2007

Sex at Harvard

The "lovable snots" over at IvyGate have a great story about viriginity at Harvard. As a proud Harvard reject, I couldn't help but get some schadenfreude. The key message:

According to an online survey conducted by University Health Services (UHS) last spring that drew an undergraduate response rate of 40 percent, nearly half of all respondents (47 percent) reported that they had never engaged in vaginal intercourse. The national average for undergraduates at other colleges stood significantly lower at 31 to 32 percent.

Ivy Gate offers one reason why this might be. A recent Boston University study offers another explanation:

Lower-income men, Schoen said, have a variety of phrases at their disposal to clearly and concisely communicate their attraction to members of the opposite sex. Among them are, "Slow down so I can get a look at you," "Mmmm, you are lookin' fiiiine today," and "I wouldn't mind a piece-a dat."

"Cultures in which the written word is not stressed generally tend to develop a greater oral tradition," Schoen said. "Never before, however, has the propensity been placed in a socioeconomic context, specifically with regard to how certain demographic subsets are better able to articulate their desire to get with that hot little mama over there in the red dress."

The study found that 95 percent of men who earn less than $18,000 a year were able to loudly and publicly voice their approval of specific body parts on women. By contrast, a paltry 3 percent of men who earn more than $75,000 a year could do the same.

Posted by adrianjo at 02:11 PM

January 09, 2007

Go somewhere, go anywhere, young man

It’s been three months since I was in Europe, and unfortunately there’s no future trip in sight. This is why business school is so great. Class is interesting and you learn stuff and all, but really the point is to take two years and meet a lot of people and see the world. And one gets a nice raise upon finishing school. My vacation balance is now negative and shows no sign of going positive anytime soon.

A year ago, as I was about to start the final semester at Columbia, Tiffany and I went for a week in Europe. The flight cost $320 round trip, about half of what it costs to fly to Texas each week. A year ago tonight we were in Brugge, the medieval city in Belgium that time forgot, which was essentially mothballed from sometime in the late 1400s until the early 1900s. This city normally so overrun by tourists was eerily quiet, much as it has been throughout its history, save for a chilly breeze off the North Sea. Soon after that we found ourselves getting lost in northern Ireland and having the run of some old castles.

A year later I’m in central Texas screening the resumes of a few hundred Columbia MBAs who have applied to the Firm. I hope they’re off in the four corners of the world, places that they probably consider a wee bit more exciting than rural Texas.

Posted by adrianjo at 10:35 PM

August 16, 2006

All shot-up

The guys are really fired-up to go see a Wild West Show, a roadside attraction over in Jersey. Here's a recent news item:

An actor at New Jersey's Wild West City, shot in the head during a fake gunfight on July 7th, came out of a medically-induced coma on Friday. According to local news reports, Scott Harris, 37, was said to be responding to some stimuli and was able to keep his eyes open. He remains hospitalized.

The shooting incident occurred two weeks ago Friday, during the Sundance show, one of the several scheduled simulated gun battles on the main street of the tourist attraction. Performer Harris was injured and later found to have an object lodged in his forehead that had been tentatively identified as a small caliber "bullet."

Oh really? The "object" has been "tentatively identified" as a "bullet"? Ya don't say? Why not just say the guy was shot in the head? How else did the bullet get there?

Local authorities initially had trouble determining exactly which state agency has jurisdiction in fake gunfight safety procedures (this is New Jersey's sole Wild West town).

Doesn't seem like it was a fake gunfight, does it?

Posted by adrianjo at 09:15 PM

July 12, 2006

A good computer freeze

My laptop was in the freezer last night. And freezing the computer actually worked. It was like this: I was writing an email and suddenly the thing shuts off. It starts up again, but the monitor dies. I spent a half-hour starting and stopping the darn thing, including plugging it into another monitor. But the monitor, and later the computer, always dies.

Finally I plug in my older laptop, where I get to a website suggesting that perhaps the thing is just too warm. The heat causes the computer to shut down. So into the freezer it went, and out it came 10 minutes later, working perfectly.

Posted by adrianjo at 01:32 PM

May 20, 2006

I graduated!

I am officially graduated, and here are the pictures to prove it. Graduation activities spanned about two weeks, including the cluster dinner below. My folks were in town from Indiana for four days, their first visit to NYC. They learned all about such New York oddities as car services, trains that don't go where they're supposed to, the impertive of making dinner reservations, and how to pronounce "Houston Street."

Click images to enlarge.


Kerry and I, surrounded by Jenn, Sara, Fayez, Nightstick, and Martin.


We played Jeopardy at the final dinner, including a category called "Dot Not Feather", whose clues included, "The correct spelling of the last names of any three Indians in our cluster."


It took three tries (all because of KG), but we finally got this picture to come out right.


The business school holds a separate graduation ceremony here at Madison Square Garden, where they call our names and have a speaker. Unlike last year's speaker, who ended up in Business Week for her controversial comments, this year's speaker just played a video that included such typical graduation things as a blow-up sex doll. We went from here to dinner at Eleven Madison Park. The necktie I'm wearing is the same tie I wore to my high school graduation.


The main university graduation is held outside, stretching from one end of campus to the other. It's pretty boring but was mentioned in the Wall St. Journal the next day because the school gave an honor to a Cuban dissident who couldn't be there because Fidel refused his exit visa application. As for us, we had dad, mom, and Nathan there. (Kyle couldn't make it.)

Posted by adrianjo at 06:10 PM

April 29, 2006

Finished

Yesterday was a big day. I finished the coursework for the MBA program. Etienne de Montille, the winemaker we met in Burgundy, joined us for dinner till 1AM, followed by two hours at a lounge. So I woke up at noon, but it's been quite a while since I've been out that late. Coming home so early every night, I was starting to feel like a law student.

Graduation is May 19, followed by a few days at home, a week in Hawai'i, a few days back in NYC, and 4 weeks in Georgia/Armenia/Azerbaijan. This puts us some time in July. We'll see what happens beyond that.

Posted by adrianjo at 01:12 PM

April 27, 2006

Columbia in the WSJ and CNN

The videos from this year's Follies have been making the rounds worldwide again. One video has even been seen on CNN and got a mention in the Wall St. Journal yesterday. It features Glenn Hubbard, the school's Dean, in a spoof of Police's "Every Breath you Take." I discuss the videos further here.

Posted by adrianjo at 06:41 PM

April 21, 2006

Economist humour

It started with "Dean Dean Baby," where Columbia's Business School's Dean started rapping his way to world fame. The video circulated the world, and the Dean even received accolades from the Japanese Finance Minister. Hey, when you got a spreadsheet with a built-in solver, you have to be cool.

This year's video was "Every Breath," expressing the Dean's frustration at not being appointed to take Alan Greenspan's place as Federal Reserve Chair. If you're an economist, you'll love it. If not, sorry, it just won't be funny, but maybe you'll enjoy Deirdre's part as a chorus girl.

Posted by adrianjo at 07:47 PM

April 18, 2006

Hi Krishna

Krishna hasn't been mentioned on my blog in a while, and he recently sent me an email wondering if we're still friends. Krishna, you'll always be my buddy, despite what Akshay says about you.

Posted by adrianjo at 08:09 PM

April 05, 2006

A fat envelope no more

If today I were a high schooler applying to my undergrad school, I'd probably be rejected. The Wall St Journal reports on unusually low admission figures, but the article only slightly mentions that this is a long-term trend that shows no sign of slowing. The supply of seats at popular universities is flat, while increasing numbers of students from around the world compete for the limited seats.

It used to be easy to get into Harvard if you came from the right prep school and weren't Jewish. Now, the WASPs from Groton and Exeter have to compete against not just middle-class midwestern Catholics but also a few million Chinese, Indian, and Turkish 17-year-olds. The long-term trend is that admissions rates will continue to go down, the process will become less and less predictable, and the stress levels will rise even higher.

Concluding one of the most brutal admission seasons ever, college officials say they are accepting an unusually low percentage of applicants.

Elite colleges including Brown University, Stanford University and the University of Pennsylvania say they have accepted a smaller percentage of applicants than ever before. Brown admitted only 13.8% of applicants, down from the 14.6% of applicants it accepted last year. That is a record-low rate, says Jim Miller, dean of admission. It saw a record 18,313 applications this year -- up more than 8% from last year.

...

The University of Pennsylvania admitted 17.7% of the record 20,479 applicants -- down from around 21% last year. A surge in applications -- coupled with an expected increase in the number of students who will enroll if admitted -- has meant a stingier year in admissions, says Dean of Admissions Lee Stetson. [continue reading]

Posted by adrianjo at 01:17 PM

March 26, 2006

Spring Fling 2006

Spring Fling at Penn was four days of being wasted; Spring Fling at Columbia is four hours of drunkenness. Is this what maturity is all about?

After a truly superlative Fall Ball down at Capitale, last night's venue of Guastavino's had a very tough act to follow. And Guastavino's showed that they were not up to the task. (The coat check was the only thing that the venue did right.)

But hey, if we can "be fabulous" while stranded on the side of a French highway, we can be fabulous with a modest amount of food and alcohol.

Click pictures to enlarge.

Here are the three musketeers (Martin, Josh, and me) don't we look somewhat alike?

A bit of opportunistic scouting secured us one an elusive seat at dinner:

The quiet Japanese guys can really go wild under the right circumstances:

A bit of Michael Jordan here? Notice the tongue.

Posted by adrianjo at 12:36 PM

February 11, 2006

Another damn murderer at Penn

Penn has a wannabe murderer among its students, allege Philadelphia Police. It's quite a wierd story: the St. Elmo brother is said to have shot a guy at a deli on 52nd St back in January. St. Elmo's is known as a frat for blue-bloods, and no blue-blooded Penn student has been beyond 40th St since Donald Trump Jr. moved out of a place at 41st & Pine. Students don't go beyond 40th St because doing so gets you into trouble, as this incident shows.

Posted by adrianjo at 05:50 PM

December 10, 2005

Intellectual orgasms

Patrick Ruffini (Penn '00, eCampaign Director at the Republican National Committee) found a picture at whitehouse.gov of one of our favorite professors recieving the National Humanities Medal from the President.

Dr. Alan Charles Kors is one of the few great conservatives in academia. His classes focus on 17th and 18th century European intellectual history, including such revolutionaries as Voltaire and Hobbes. Although most of the discussion went way over my head, I came to expect that by the end of the lecture, there would be something of an intellectual orgasm: a sense that after a lot of work, we had proven a major idea that revolutionized humanity. It was oddly satisfying, as opposed to business classes where we prove that Paramount in 1994 was worth $58.50 a share, not the $59.57 offered by some bidder.

Kors's class is one of few where I keep all the books and refer back to them regularly. We studied the 18th century, when Europe's classic liberal philosophers rejected Hobbes's assertion that life is "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." Hobbe's pessimism was replaced by an optimism that culminated in Jefferson's declaration that man has a right to the "pursuit of happiness." Jefferson's declaration was quite radical for its time, as Europe was emerging from a Dark Ages when the Christian church asserted that pleasure was sinful. There are still many churches that believe something similar, a philosophy that roughly says happiness is only possible through a personal relationship with Jesus or God.

Nonetheless, the Enlightment was fun because it was a time of exploration:

A man is not planted in one place, as a tree, to stay there his entire life. (Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile)

Consider Voltaire's Candide, who travels the world in search of his love Cunegonde and constantly expects to find happiness at the next turn, yet instead finds only wretched people. They include a Christian monk who spends his money womanizing and a one-legged slave who declares that "dogs, monkeys, and parrots are a thousand times less miserable than we." Candide finally finds and marries his love, though by this time, she is horribly ugly and shrewish. Candide never finds happiness until he asks his philosopher companions to "work without theorizing" and to "let us tend our garden."

The 18th century also saw the rise of the practical. Denis Diderot writes a shocking conversation between a doctor and Mdmse de L'Espinasse where the doctor recommends depressed young girls engage in auto-erotic acts, declaring chastity "the greatest of crimes" against nature. The doctor goes on to endorse homosexual and premarital sex, a rarety for the 18th century:

Take two acts, both of which can only give pleasure without usefulness, but one of which only gives pleasure to the person performing it while the other shares pleasure with a fellow creature, male or female (for in this matter the sex makes no difference, nor even who does what with what), and tell me what the verdict of common sense will prevail between the two.

As if this weren't shocking enough, Voltaire also explains why it is good to have people of many religions in one's society:

Go into the London Stock Exchange - a more respectable place than many a court - and you will see representatives from all nations gathered together for the utility of men. Here Jew, Mohammedan and Christian deal with each other as though they were all of the same faith, and only apply the word infidel to people who go bankrupt. Here the Presbyterian trusts the Anabaptist [predecessor to the Amish], and the Anglican accepts a promise from the Quaker. On leaving these peaceful and free assemblies some go to the Synagogue and others for a drink, this one goes to be baptized in a great bath in the name of Father, Son and Holy Ghost, that one has his son's foreskin cut and has some Hebrew words he doesn't understand mumbled over the child, others go to their church and await the inspiration of God with their hats on, and everybody is happy.

If there were only one religion in England, there would be danger of tyranny; if there were two, they would cut each other's throats; but there are thirty, and they live happily together in peace.

The 18th century was such a rich time for intellectuals that perhaps the biggest disappointment from leaving Kors's class every day was returing to the real world 300 years later where people still debate many of the principles so persuasively put to paper by the Enlightenment philosophers.

Posted by adrianjo at 11:02 PM

November 19, 2005

Rivalry week begins

Today is the Harvard-Yale football game. As remarked by C.M. Burns, Yale class of 1904: "I don't know why Harvard even bothers to show-up. They barely even won!"

As for Penn, it wasn't their year, and Columbia has yet to win a league game. Alas, it might be a year to root for Notre Dame and Northwestern.

Posted by adrianjo at 11:00 AM

October 27, 2005

If it's in the newspaper, it must be true

Columbia's student newspaper has declared that Cluster Y is "fast becoming known as the most sexually active cluster on campus." As Chairman of Cluster Y, I can assure mom and dad that I have nothing to do with this reputation.

Perhaps some of it comes from the emails we've exchanged where two cluster members invited us to see them "demonstrate mating." Then there was that long discussion on who has a bigger apartment (a serious concern in New York), which climaxed when a female cluster member wrote, "Who am I to talk about whether apartment size matters? I just have a hole in the wall."

Posted by adrianjo at 03:31 PM

October 18, 2005

Gongs have been ringing

The Princess of Bhutan, who was a student at Columbia's SIPA school, has married her boyfriend, also a SIPA student. Her Royal Highness Ashi Chimi Yangzom Wangchuck married Dasho Sangay Wangchuck on October 13. Incidentally, both are named "Wangchuck," though this name is very common, roughly equivalent to "Jones" in Bhutan. [Read more]

Posted by adrianjo at 09:10 AM

October 10, 2005

Attention wireless listeners

I recorded a radio program tonight for War News Radio. I will post it as soon as I have a copy. It will probably be broadcast in a few weeks.

This isn't the first time I was on the radio; the first was live in college at the university station, where we had a ribald conversation that probably should have brought on an FCC fine, were anyone listening. I remember something about Deep Throat. I was thinking of the watergate guy and apparently the hosts were talking about sex. It reminds me of when Mr. Burns went on the radio trying to convince people he's not evil:

Rude: How are you doing, Mr. Burns? Jerry Rude. Welcome to the show.

Burns: I'm pleased to--

Rude: Alright, let's get this geezer out quick so we can bring in the lesbian gladiators.

Burns: Now, Mr. Rude, I just want you to know I'm a good sport, so if you want to make fun of my legendary love of cashews, you have at it!

Rude: Uh-huh... Alright, how many times a day do you go to the can?

Burns: Oh, about 40, I suppose. When are we going on the air?

Rude: We're on the air now, Skeleton.

Burns: What?!

Rude: Question two: How long is your wiener, seriously?

Burns: Great heavens! What kind of radio show is this?

Rude: How about this -- when was your first gay experience?

Burns: Oh, well, when I was six, my father took me on a picnic. That was a gay old time! Oh-ho, I ate my share of wieners that day.

Rude: Oh, that sounds lovely. [coughs "queer"] Um, ever murder anybody?

Burns: Murder? Well, mistakes have been made.

Rude: Monty, I've heard you're a pretty flatulent guy. Any comment on that?

Burns: Oh, now see here--[Rude presses a button making fart noises] Stop that! Attention wireless listeners, most of the sounds you are now hearing are not being made by me! Oh stop! Stop! Won't someone please stop the farting! [collapses on the floor]

Rude: Don't worry, folks, he's not dead. I still hear some faint sounds of life. [makes fart noises]

The improvement in radio technology is amazing. We edited the program to splice different versions in the middle of words (e.g. "scandal"), take out breathy sounds, enlongate certain words, and change the pitch of others.

For my national television debut in May 2005, click here. Unlike in radio, in TV it's not particularly easy to edit out the "ums."

Posted by adrianjo at 10:57 PM

October 03, 2005

Take a bite out of this

One of the most profound changes in Harlem has been the huge drop in crime since Republican Rudy Guiliani was elected. For instance, muggings are down 80% since their peak, such that there are only about 2 muggings a day now in Harlem.

Harlem's own Columbia University is also participating in reducing crime, according to this "high importance" email I received today:

October is Crime Prevention Month & McGruff the Crime Dog's Birthday:

Although October is Crime Prevention Month, at Columbia we celebrate Crime Prevention every day.

Don't miss CU Public Safety's Security Awareness day & McGruff's Birthday on:

Wednesday, October 5th, 2005

From 10AM - 2PM @ the Morningside Campus College Walk W116 Street.

"We celebrate crime prevention every day." That's a way to take a bite out of crime! On a similarly juvenile note, Jean Teasdale now has a site of her own. Screw it. Read this about the person who writes Jean's columns.

Posted by adrianjo at 02:51 PM

September 22, 2005

Sell the Fo'shizzle, not the steak

Since my last paper for Opinion Writing was considered too boring, I'm posting my paper for next week here. I am hoping for some feedback. TH's review says that "only two things really bother me," and both are corrected. Please send comments here by Saturday noon.

The column is posted in the continuation below.

If elite Special Forces soldiers can’t find Osama bin Laden, maybe Jenna Bush could? Can American Idol survive if Ryan Seacrest joins the hunt? Should we dispatch Snoop Dogg?

A usually-ignored Congressman named Chuck Rangel (D-NY) continues his one-man quest to make young people learn to draft-dodge like Bill Clinton, whose ballyhooed Harlem office is next-door to Rangel’s. Rangel says a draft would spread the burden of fighting wars to the wealthy and privileged.

“We could end this war overnight,” Rangel said last week, “if we had a draft where everyone had to serve.”

The military has already acted on Rangel’s proposal by secretly drafting able-bodied young males—and females—according to an urgent forwarded email I received. Although I could be drafted, this announcement does not dilute my joy from today winning the “Grand Pr1ze of $25,00O,0O0.0” from a lottery in Nigeria.

Who will soon be donning a uniform? And what will they be doing? Will they be better at fighting wars than professional soldiers? Here are the results of my investigation.

Let’s start with the war’s big prize: Osama. Nobody has penetrated the liar’s lair, but newly-minted Specialist Jenna Bush is prepared to try. Specialist Bush demonstrated “mad skillz” at using fake identification—despite obviously being the President’s underage daughter—to penetrate the tough security at Chuy’s bar in Austin. This reporter visited Chuy’s to investigate, and the doorman didn’t even bother to ask for ID. The bodyguards of the world’s most successful terrorist might be a bit smarter. Oops.

One young partygoer who never saw the need for a fake ID is Private Paris Hilton, the new Joint Chiefs spokeswoman. Say “later, sexy” to the grizzled generals of Centcomm telling the movements of tank battalions. And say “hi, cutie” to the pink princess telling the movements of her Chihuahua. (Let’s hope that Tinkerbell makes her movements in the litter box… .oops!)

As spokeswoman, Private Hilton would bring a touch of honesty to a military that is often accused of hiding the facts. Here is her reaction when dropped into Iraq’s desert yesterday: “That’s hot.” Who can argue with that? Rumor says that President Bush loves the straight-talk.

Like many people called up, Private Hilton can live on the military’s near-poverty wages because of her well-endowed bank account. Her equally un-endowed body fits well into military uniforms, while her eating habits use half the MREs of a typical G.I. Jane.

Also holding a well-endowed bank account is draftee Colonel Donald Trump, Jr., who is running rebuilding efforts. He has already signed agreements to build three major casinos on Kurdish reservations. Colonel Trump has already been promoted to an officer’s rank on account of being the only one recent draftee to have attended—and actually passed—college.

Considering Los Angeles’s concentration of wealthy and spoiled soldiers-to-be, the Selective Service soon scraped the bottom of the barrel there.

The draft took Private Calvin Cordozar Broadus, better known as rapper Snoop Dogg. A Joint Chiefs “spokesprincess” identified as Private Hilton confirms that the military denied Private Broadus’s request to create a new military rank of “Doggfather.”

Private Broadus has been assigned to guard Iraqi prioners. “Those naked prisoners have longer rap sheets than the ODB,” said Private Hilton. “And I think Rummy will really like Dogg’s ‘doggystyle’ discipline.” A prison-abuse scandal will come to light when teenagers hack sexually-explicit “doggystyle” prison photos out of Private Hilton’s Sidekick. Oopshizzle!

The Selective Service in LA also drafted Nick Lachey, on-again-off-again husband of chicken-of-the-sea Jessica Simpson. Lachey joins the same platoon as Kobe Bryant. Corporals Lachey and Bryant are wasting no time in deflowering the 72 virgins that so motivate sexually-frustrated suicide bombers. The military should note that they’ll soon need a week of leave to visit Harry Winston in a bid to convince their wives to forgive the cheating. Oops, I didn’t mean to, honey!

To avoid being called up, LA-based Ryan Seacrest finally said yesterday what the world already knows: Seacrest, out! Word is that a few other celebrities are also thankful for “don’t ask, don’t tell.” But what’s the military’s policy on metrosexuals?

Fortunately, the military has some standards, and some promising draftees failed the cut. Britney Spears was considered ideal, except for her new baby and that barfing episode at the LA Ritz-Carlton’s pool. As luck would have it, a drafted Britney would probably use her trailer-park toughness to do something heroic, resulting in an honorary event with a Japanese Prime Minister, and… “Oops, I did it again.” That would be just too toxic.

Thanks to Chuck Rangel’s draft, we now have the finest conscripted military in the land: Jenna, Paris, Nick, Donnie, the Doggfather, and Kobe. The new draft has netted the American military a cast of clowns who do not want to serve and are desperately unqualified to serve. The American military is the world’s best because it is composed of professional soldiers. We’re asking for trouble if we use a draft to send in the clowns.

-30-

Comments please.

Posted by adrianjo at 12:32 AM

September 21, 2005

At least we're #1 in something important

The Wall St. Journal says that Columbia is the #1 MBA program in the world in which to recruit women. Some of the men of Columbia may disagree, since the ratio here is still 2:1. Nonetheless, it's probably a lot worse at other MBA schools.

Posted by adrianjo at 12:29 PM

Coming soon to a public school near you?

Linked to this post is my first essay for Opinion Writing class over in the journalism school. TH (surprisingly) liked the essay, telling me, "you're a better writer than I thought; you used far fewer big words than I expected, and there was even some humour." However, she added, "it's crazy that you spent seven hours writing that."

The professor found the essay "dry" and "too legalistic." I also didn't explain fully the Lemon decision and why it matters. (It's unfortunate that in old-fashioned prose, one can't just link to a decision and let the reader research it till his heart's content.)

I have been hearing things about how liberalism pervades Columbia's ivory tower outside the cozy capitalist enclave of the business school. And yet I was still surprised at how several of my classmates' papers seethed the sort of Paul-Krugemanesque anger at the Bush administration that so turns-off moderates. I hope that by the 12th class, I might convince the class that politlcal attacks are far more potent when backed by facts rather than invective, since I learned this lesson the hard way back when I wrote opinion for the Post.

The whole essay follows below...

John Roberts, the Supreme Court’s soon-to-be Chief Justice, learned in grade school that God created humans as told in the Bible’s creation story. But the teaching of creationism is not coming soon to a public school near you.

Throughout this week’s confirmation hearings, Roberts repeated his belief in the Court’s long-held practice of ‘letting the decision stand,’ or following the precedents of previous courts. That answer, while perfectly acceptable, left Democrats fearing a wide berth for conservative interpretations of gray areas in abortion rights, affirmative action, disabled rights, and religion in schools.

At least on teaching creationism in schools, however, the Court’s record over the past three decades is well-settled: intelligent design, creation science, creationism—-or whatever the euphemism du jour—-has no place in public schools. There is almost no gray area.

Roberts may well move the court to the right on gray-area issues like abortion rights. The right to “privacy”—-the basis of Roe v. Wade (1973)—-is never mentioned in the Constitution, although Roberts says he believes in such a right.

By contrast, the Court’s decisions on creationism in the classroom are so well-settled that the Court would have to reverse itself completely—-a rare occurrence—-to find any way of allowing creationism to nestle into public classrooms.

The rulings of judges-to-be are about as predictable as next month’s weather, but we can be sure that spring does not overnight become autumn, and Roberts is unlikely to sway the Court’s distaste for creationism.

The Court’s hostility towards creationism statutes is deeply-rooted. In 1971, the Court established the so-called “Lemon test,” which determines if a law violates the First Amendment’s prohibition on government creating an “establishment of religion.”

Fifteen years later, the court used the Lemon test to strike-down Louisiana’s Balanced Treatment Act, which demanded schools that teach evolution also teach “creation science” (Edwards v. Aguillard, 1986).

The Lemon test asks three questions of a law concerning the establishment of religion. The law must have a “clear secular purpose”; it must “neither advance nor inhibit religion”; and it must not cause government to be “excessively entangled” in religion.

A law that fails any one of the three tests is unconstitutional. “Creation science” and its derivatives were found to fail not just one test, but all three tests.

The Court’s reasoning was fairly simple. Try finding a secular purpose for teaching Adam & Eve, or its watered-down equivalents that assert that an “intelligent designer” created life. No matter how heavily veiled, creationism, intelligent design, and the rest are usually the pet project of religious fundamentalists, and the Court has seen through it.

For example, the book that popularized the term “intelligent design”—-Of Pandas and People (1991)—-was backed by a Texas religious group, according to The Textbook League, a California textbook-review newsletter. Ordinary folk are not exactly protesting to have their children taught “intelligent design” any more than other religious counterfactuals like flat-earthism and geocentrism.

The Court has also understood that “creation science” is not science but rather religious propaganda. “Out of many possible science subjects taught in the public schools,” noted Justice Brennan’s Edwards decision, makers of Louisiana’s creationism law “chose to affect the teaching of one scientific theory that historically has been opposed by certain religious sects.”

Edwards placed an almost-airtight prohibition on creationism in the classroom, and the Court’s more recent decisions provide little wiggle room for a Roberts court to try to erode Edwards.

“The Supreme Court has decided to ‘grandfather’” religious references in public, argues Paul Mirengoff, the Akin Gump lawyer who co-writes the conservative Powerlineblog.com. “That means leaving references to [religion] on the coins and the old buildings but beating back new references.”

Since creationism statutes have been struck down since the 1986 Edwards decision, based on the earlier Lemon test, it is unlikely that a court could find reason to “grandfather” them into the acceptable realm of government mixing with religion.

It is possible that a slick pro-evolution campaign could emerge from some backwoods hamlet, which could correct some of the more egregious problems in Louisiana’s writing of its Balanced Treatment Act. The Louisiana Act was struck down in part because the Legislature overplayed its hand by building-in legal protections for those who teach creationism and mandating the development of teaching materials for creationism but not evolution.

A better-written law might comport more closely with the Edwards decision, but it is difficult to fathom how a creationism law could pass all three prongs of the Lemon test.

John Roberts may have grown up learning that God commands that he created man, but like most Catholic schoolboys, he did not become a theologian. If Roberts “lets the decision stand,” Christian beliefs about man’s creation will remain reserved for study in Sunday School.

-30-

Posted by adrianjo at 12:26 AM

September 17, 2005

Parental Discretion is Advised

We held an end-of-summer dinner last night. Among the festivities were an open bar and a series of superlatives. In fact, everyone got one. I won't say which is mine. And I thought that they'd be stuff like "best dressed." No, this list is X-rated:

Posted by adrianjo at 02:33 PM

September 14, 2005

Is the grass greener on the other side of campus?

I am taking a class in Opinion Writing over at the Journalism School, the school founded by Joe Pulitzer that awards the Prize in his name. I'll probably blog occasionally on the class because it's far more interesting than certain classes here at the business school. (Is it too much to ask that Columbia's finance professors use the same notation to describe a basic concept like the CAPM?)

We started by reading a Pew report that suggests that public confidence in the mainstream media (MSM) has declined to record lows. Even a jaded MSM consumer like me was surprised at how far the MSM has fallen. The audience for the nightly network news has fallen by nearly half in the last 10 years. In 20 years, the portion of people saying they believe "almost nothing" that CNN says has nearly doubled, to 28%. Meanwhile, consumption of nearly all news sources has fallen dramatically.

That was surprising last night when I read the report. Today it makes sense. CNN.com, for the first time in weeks, isn't leading with something about that overblown windstorm that flooded newsrooms throughout the country and tugged the heartstrings of oblivious Americans who only give to charity when there is a photogenic disaster. No, CNN's headline is "Bombers, gunmen kill 151 in Iraq." As long as the MSM's news coverage consistantly focuses on seeing the glass 1/4 full and pointing out the world's problems, is it any wonder that Jon Stewart now attracts more viewers than any of the network newscasts?

Posted by adrianjo at 12:42 PM

September 08, 2005

The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round

All of the new kids are here on the b-school's campus. They all seem so young and impressionable as they ask where the bathrooms are, work on easy little first-year cases, and buzz about happy hour. Then I realize that the average age of these kids is 28 (as compared to my 25 years), and probably fewer than 10% of them are younger than I am. They still look young.

Paranthetical note: as for the undergrads, they really look young, since their average age is 18.

Posted by adrianjo at 02:50 PM

August 12, 2005

Quote of the day

Best thing I heard today:

"I decided to get back together with my girlfriend. We had sorta broken-up when I moved to New York, but I called her up Wednesday and told her I miss her. You see, I was at Marquee on Tuesday hitting on this average-looking piece of Long Island trash and I wasn't getting anywhere with her. It's just not worth it."

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August 10, 2005

Boring jobs in a Cabinet Ministry?

Megan McArdle at Instapundit links to a Washington Post story that declares that even "high-ranking" jobs are boring. A deputy assistant in some cabinet ministry tells the Post:

You may be in a gilded cage, but if you're just forced to sit there for eight hours all day long, staring at the wall, it can be excruciating.

To which Megan adds:

Even my friends who live and breathe finance [i.e. Wall Street jobs] find a large portion of their work intensely boring. They are doing it because they hope that if they spend long enough proofreading powerpoint presentations and scrutinising IPO prospectuses, they will one day be paid really gargantuan sums of money to fly all over the world and tell CEOs how to finance their companies. ....

There is a tendency among liberal arts types to think that it is grossly unfair that investment bankers make so much money, when said artsy types' clearly more socially valuable work is so pitifully remunerated. Having spent a summer doing [finance], I personally think that anyone who is willing to spend his Saturday night going over the fine print in an SEC prospectus until 2AM is welcome to all the filthy lucre they will pay him. I chose to become a journalist because I've only got forty or fifty years left on this planet.... It seems downright piggy for those of us with ... "English Major Jobs" to demand both fulfilling work and lavish remuneration.

This is consolation for me when all the Wall Street types here at Columbia start getting offers in a few months that pay $20-$50K more than I'll get. At least my job isn't as boring as working on The Street.

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July 15, 2005

Suzanne Somers has nothing on me

The paparazzi have been out lately. Somebody took a picture of a friend of mine and I as we had lunch at the Marriott Times Square on Tuesday. Then on Thursday I demonstrated how to use a Thighmaster in class, and the paparazzi emerged again. As soon as I obtain one of the photos, I'll post it here.

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July 13, 2005

Helping women

There is a poster around school that advertises "Help another woman get pregnant." Having already helped many women get pregnant, I'd be happy to help another. (I'm supposed to call 1-866-GIVE-EGG to make arrangements for the encounter.)

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July 06, 2005

The Brits get it

While America chases away talented immigrants, the UK is actively recruiting them. A new law with a special "MBA Provision" allows grads of the world's top 50 MBA programmes to come and live in the UK with no job, no sponsor, no nothing. If they become "economically active," they'll be eligible for UK permanent residency after four years. One of the biggest trends in the world economy is the globalization of trade, investment funds, and managerial talent. The Brits get it.

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May 25, 2005

Cheeseburger Challenge - Official Results

A group of 30 MBA students descended on the McDonald's on Broadway at Martin Luther King Drive in Manhattan at 3.30PM today, where we placed an order for some 60 hamburgers and cheeseburgers. Cries of "no way that order's right" were heard from astonished kitchen workers. Seven brave members of our number offered to consume the warm sandwiches in a half-hour contest of speed (rules here), with the winner receiving a pot of $20.78. Here are the official results:

Well, the wrappers have been counted, the burger flippers have been paid their overtime, the Pepto-Bismol bottles have been drained and across New York the challengers are awaking from their beefy naps. The results are in from the Cluster Y Inaugural Cheeseburger Challenge. Here are the final standings:
1. Dave “The KFC Kid” Farrar - 12
2. Nathan “I’m gonna eat you” Zhou - 11
3 = Chris “Respectable Tally” McNally - 8
3 = “Muhammad Ale”ssandro Santo - 8
3 = Rob “British Beef” Bush - 8
6. Maury “El Gaucho” Pages - 7
7. Casey “The Black Widow” Dove - 6

The burgers arrive!

Match Report

Steady and professional throughout, “The KFC Kid” gave a virtuoso display of cheeseburger chomping. Any young kids out there hoping to eat for their colleges or states would do well to study the composure and dedication that this giant of binge eating brings to the veneer and vinyl tables of the country’s fast food outlets. It was a true pleasure to dine across from him and he richly deserved his $20 bounty (and bonus prize to follow soon). He managed an extraordinary, Olympian, health threatening, insurance policy invalidating 12 burgers! Matching him, for a time, burger for burger was the other pre-tournament favorite “I’m gonna eat you”. Striking terror into the already indigestion riddled chests of his opponents he sat down with an intimidating three bottles of water and a look of pure hunger. Despite a desperate attempt at the almost unheard of triple burger (steam-rollered paper thin by Nordeman’s trusty behind), “I’m gonna eat you” could not get it down in time and was counted out on a Technical Spit Out to finish on 11.


Muhammad Ale and The KFC Kid get rolling

Joint third on 8 were “Respectable Tally” (a proponent of the slow and steady school and one to watch in the future), “British Beef” (whose elaborate costumery was to again prove his downfall) and “Muhammad Ale”. In classic Ale style, this highly touted chomp champ tried to scare his opponents with photos of his colossal breakfasts and indiscrete peaks of his well-rounded tummy (proud testament to his years on the pro circuit). He even showboated throughout the tournament like a Harlem Burger Trotter, chatting with fans, throwing down mid-meal McNuggets and ordering exotic sauces to burnish his burgers. Despite his confident assurance to eager fans that he would finish his own attempt at the arse-trampled triple that Nordeman put his way with minutes to spare, it was not to be and he could manage just 8.


I hope you don't mind my posting this picture


In last place in the Men’s event, “El Gaucho” never looked comfortable competing outside the choice cuts of his homeland. Picking at his food like a fussy child he managed just 7 burgers, a far cry from his now ludicrous assertion that he would manage at least 20. Kids’ Meal anyone? And last, but by no means least, the runaway winner of the Women’s Event, “The Black Widow” (dressed in her trademark black eating outfit) proving that you can still stay trim even as a professional burger banisher and elegantly chewing her way through 6, she even had the good grace not to devour any of her fellow competitors (another bonus prize on the way).


The competitors, spectators, and referee gather for a celebratory photo

By my reckoning, this was a total of an even 60 hot sandwiches. According to McDonald’s nutritional advice (surely an oxymoron) this is an incredible 18,600 calories, 630g of fat and 2100mg of cholesterol (around 8 days worth of the recommended max). An incredible achievement and something of which we can all be truly proud…

UPDATE: Transatlantic Zeppelin has obtained a statement from the winner:

I would like to give thanks and praise to God, because without him this monumental championship would not have been possible, obviously he shines his favor on me and his dislike and scorn upon all whom I conquered today.

Graciously and humbly yours,

The Champ

PS. I want to die...

Posted by adrianjo at 09:24 PM | Comments (0)

May 22, 2005

Super-size me!

I have been appointed referee for the cheeseburger eating contest.

Dear Cluster Pals and Palettes,

In response to recent talk about the declining state of Columbia athletics I am pleased to invite you to the Inaugural Columbia Business School

CHEESEBURGER EATING CONTEST

The venue which has been earmarked is a Scottish themed contemporary American dining establishment known as “McDonald’s” at 125th and Broadway. The rules are set out below:

1. The winner shall be the person who consumes the most “Cheeseburgers” in one hour exactly. For those who prefer, plain “Hamburgers” or “Veggie Burgers” are acceptable alternatives.

2. Each athlete shall pay $10 to enter with the winner taking the entire pool. In the event of a tie there will be a play off which will consist of the speed consumption of a small packet of fries. (In the unlikely event that we still have a tie the prize pool will be placed at a distance of 50 paces from the athletes who will then undergo a straight forward footrace to claim the bounty).

3. Each athlete must bring a trainer to work their corner while they compete. The trainer may provide advice, encouragement and soothing stomach rubs as well as designing strategy and tactics. They may also purchase the cheeseburgers to be consumed and must keep an accurate and verifiable record of their athlete’s final number. Trainers may not aid in the consumption of the burgers. It is recommended that trainers wear towels around their necks so that they look like those people in the corner of boxing matches, they should also be prepared to occasionally shout “Eye of the Tiger, Rock, Eye of the Tiger” and ideally have a stopwatch slung around their shoulders for no very good reason other than it looks cool. Unnecessary aggression and baiting of opponents is also encouraged (“You know, bud, you’re a real quarterpounder. Take a look at my guy right here, now that’s a halfpounder…he could eat your personal best for breakfast”)

4. The competition will be held on Wednesday 25th May at 3:30pm until 4:30 pm following our Operations class (it will therefore solve a dual purpose of seeing how the restaurant copes with the surprise order of 60 odd cheeseburgers as an operational bottleneck and dispelling our Operations induced cravings for hamburgers).

Please let me know if you wish to compete and who your trainer will be. Otherwise please come along to spectate. We currently have five confirmed athletes:

Maury “El Gaucho” Pages – This lean, mean cheeseburger eating machine hales from Argentina, the spiritual home of dangerous beef consumption. Weaned on jerky, Maury was eating twice his bodyweight in ground chump steak from an early age. He is the current holder of the South American Pork Chomping Cup and is an honorary member of the Latin American Meat Eating Society.

Casey “The Black Widow” Dove – Beautiful but deadly is how none of her fabricated opponents have never described this wholesome all American scourge of hot sandwiches. Her nickname comes from her unlikely habit of eating her unsuspecting competitors into defeat and then eating them from their head to de feet. Casey holds the US records for Whoppers and Fillets O Fish, the only person to ever achieve the elusive Surf and Turf double.

Ames “Go Large” Brown – From a distinguished family of power eaters, Ames has eaten himself fit to burst at many of the world’s finest establishments. He was famous for once ordering the renowned menu gourmand at Maxim’s in Paris and, on being complimented for his choice, breaking the chef’s heart by then telling him to simply “mix it all up in a bucket and give me a spoon”. Ames has also been carried from the Ritz in London in a soufflé induced state of unconsciousness and was once refused service at the 21 club for ordering 22 entrees.

Itamar “The Ironman” Har-Even – In peak cheeseburger condition, this tri-eathlete regularly competes in the professional Iron Man Eating World Tour. The events consist of an all day menu of gluttony, from the 50-egg breakfast omelet through the club sandwich lunch (the club has over three hundred members) to the deadly dinner of death, a chest clutching array of deep fried cheese a la creme served on a bed of lard candy and washed down with neat whisky (comes with a nice salad – romaine or crispy lettuce).

Rob “British Beef” Baruch Bush – Driven crazy by the mad beef of his native land, Bush is a dark horse in the competition. When he is not competitively consuming cheeseburgers he sits around in his underpants at home sniffing stolen clothing, watching Geraldo re-runs and muttering incoherently about how he’ll show them all for rejecting his idea of a genetically modified army of super mutants. Oh yes he’ll show them…laugh at me will you…insane am I? We’ll see who has the last laugh when I enslave the human race and have them construct a mighty statue in my honor, 8000 feet tall and hewn in solid marble…

The Vegas odds have been published, but before the competitors get underway, I want to note the following in public:

1) Contestants are allowed to expel the contents of their stomach into a bucket provided by the trainers; doing so once or multiple times does not deduct from one's total consumption, provided that the food expelled actually reached the stomach. Betters should investigate whether any competitors are former bulimics, as this might give them an advantage.

2) All competitors and their trainers shall provide me a signed affadavit swearing that if they eat themselves to the point of death or illness, it's their own damn fault!

3) The referee reserves the right to end the contest for health and safety reasons and declare a winner.

(Happy Birthday, Janelle and Matt!)

Posted by adrianjo at 12:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 18, 2005

Yet another controversy at Columbia

Seeing a controversy at Columbia in the press is a daily event, but usually they don’t affect the Business School. The undergrads do not visit us often, so we’re not covered in the Spectator, and therefore what happens in the business school tends to stay here. That’s generally a good thing, since CEOs come speak on campus almost every day. Sometimes the things they say are a bit saucy, like when Jack Welch said that Human Resources Departments at most companies are “a dumping ground for losers.” But by and large, business leaders come here and expect to be off-the-record, allowing them to speak freely their minds.

Powerline picked up on a controversy where the CFO of PepsiCo spoke on Sunday to the graduating class at Madison Square Garden. Graduation speeches are notoriously hard to write; most of what there is to say has been said many times over. In trying to be original, Pepsi’s Indra Nooyi said a few things that sound a bit ridiculous, such as how the US is a big middle finger that flicks-off the rest of the world.

Because the U.S. – the middle finger – sticks out so much, we can send the wrong message unintentionally. Unfortunately, I think this is how the rest of the world looks at the U.S. right now. Not as part of the hand – giving strength and purpose to the rest of the fingers – but, instead, scratching our nose and sending a far different signal.

And there was this unnecessary put-down of Africa:

First, let’s consider our little finger. Think of this finger as Africa. Africa is the little finger not because of Africa’s size, but because of its place on the world’s stage. From an economic standpoint, Africa has yet to catch up with her sister continents. And yet, when our little finger hurts, it affects the whole hand.

From here it went to a discussion of US businesspeople and Chinese loos, the typical stories of offensive Americans overseas that any experienced traveler can tell in spades.

Nooyi’s speech reminds me of people in Indiana who innocently display lawn jockeys, not realizing that the world around them has changed since the lawn jockey was used to signal Underground Railroad stops. Nooyi misses the reality that we conservatives have learned how to enforce political correctness. We learned it from the Democrats, who have countless conservative heads on pikes mounted at the gates of their headquarters. It's no secret that in today’s political correctness, speaking ill of America is a big no-no, though apparently not everyone has received the memo. After hearing liberals disparage this country and blame America for 9/11, it’s reasonable that many people would be sick of hearing about what’s wrong with America, no matter how well-intentioned. I think Nooyi tried to convince people at the speech to make America a better place, but the outdated hand analogy was not the right way to say it in today’s polticially-correct world.

It’s worth appreciating the role that business leaders play at Columbia Business School. When they say they meant no harm, they’re probably right, and we should thank them and hope they return.

UPDATE: The Big Trunk has posted a long compilation of replies on the topic, most written by better writers than me. I have trouble writing effectively when the topic is just something sophomoric that never should have been said in the first place and when it has more or less been retracted by its source.

Posted by adrianjo at 06:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 30, 2005

Sikh it, baby!

I bet you never thought you'd see this picture of Brother Singh. I'm impressed with our resident turbaned Sikh downing a bottle of Jack like this. Oh wait, the cap is on, but still...

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April 29, 2005

Dear old Harvard, say it's not veritas!

Writer Michael Steinberger comments in today's WSJ on Harvard's influence in American politics, business, and life, arguing that it has never been lower (except among journalists). Here is the section on Harvard's influence in business:

Harvard also matters less in the business world. It is true that a few Harvard graduates (and one dropout, Bill Gates) have figured prominently in the digital revolution -- unquestionably the biggest business story in the past decade -- but Stanford is a much more prolific supplier of its brainpower. Google, Yahoo!, Cisco, Sun Microsystems and a raft of other marquee tech firms were partly or wholly incubated on the Stanford campus.

Meanwhile, there are fewer Harvard diplomas hanging in corporate boardrooms. According to the executive search firm Stuart Spencer, the percentage of large-company CEOs holding Harvard MBAs declined to 23% last year from 28% in 1998. Of the Fortune 1000 CEOs appointed so far this year, just one, Corning's Wendell Weeks, earned a Harvard MBA. Asked about Harvard's declining presence in the executive suites, Mr. Weeks jokingly told USA Today: "I've yet to see a study that Harvard creates value."

Quite the opposite, actually. Two years ago, famed hedge-fund manager Victor Niederhoffer (himself a Harvard alumnus) and Laurel Kenner did a study measuring the performance of Nasdaq 100 companies run by Harvard graduates, of which there happened to be an unusually large number at the time. The results were not pretty. Mr. Niederhoffer and Ms. Kenner looked at the nine Nasdaq 100 firms headed by Harvard grads and found that they had, over a five-year period, dramatically underperformed Nasdaq firms run by graduates of other Ivy League schools, Ivy League equivalents (Stanford, MIT, Berkeley) and state schools.

Will Harvard become just another run-of-the-mill Ivy League school? Perhaps it will among Americans, but I would argue that Harvard is still the American university best known outside the US, and that won't change soon.

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April 19, 2005

Te conozco bacalaos, aunque venga disfrazado

In consulting, it's important to keep client identities confidential. Sometimes just disguising the name isn't enough, as this Wall St. Journal article shows.

For Kimberly Krizelman, 28, moving from the Chicago area to comparably low-cost Bentonville, Ark., for a job as a buyer at a major retailer allowed her to afford a three-bedroom house and hire a professional decorator.

Hmm... is that like the major aerospace company in Chicago, the major brewery in St. Louis, or the major operating system designer in Redmond?

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April 15, 2005

"Here is sister"

I didn't think that taking a Supply Chain Management class would teach me so much about relationships.

"Intermediaries play an important role in supply chains. For example, in my village in India, you get married through an intermediary, the village priest. His job is to know all the boys and all the girls and finds you compatible girl. If arranged marriage not work, nobody use village priest anymore, so priest has to find you good match. Online sites don't work. If you find bad girl on adultfriendfinder.com, who you complain to? Customer service?"

"When dealing with clients, they need same person available whenever they call. Like in relationship, if you call girlfriend's house and mother tells you, 'She not here anymore, but sister is available.' You don't want sister; it's not same with sister. In supply chain, you cannot say to clients, 'your person not available anymore, but here is sister."

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April 12, 2005

Want some mumps?

The University has been sending me threatening letters saying that they'll ban me from summer courses if I don't prove to them that I have rubella vaccine (which I do but don't feel like proving). However, the business school uses a different system:

The bidding process in BOSS is completely separate from the University's registration system. So go ahead and bid for your elective.

Finally the lack of coordination of computers has come to my benefit.


Posted by adrianjo at 09:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 11, 2005

Whose blog is this?

Anyone know whose blog this is? It's a Japanese Columbia J-termer... that leaves only three of you!

Posted by adrianjo at 09:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 29, 2005

Cracker Barrel

There has been a lot of talk at school lately about who is running for VP positions in the various clubs. A few of our cluster have been elected to VP positions in clubs like the Investment Banking Club and the Retail & Luxury Goods Club. As for me, I'm running for VP of Crackers in the Wine Society. Please vote.

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March 17, 2005

Whipping ass and taking names

There's a picture out there of me wearing a Fez and carrying a whip. When I obtain it, I'll post it.

Meanwhile, there are media reports that a big project I did as a consultant is about to be unwound. Whatever happens, I'll never forget Fran at the Best Western.

Here are pictures of two swashbuckling bachelors on a swing through Morocco. (More info: bachelor #1, bachelor #2.) A tophat and cane would complete the look that would get them into a Broadway musical.



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March 14, 2005

My strategy is to laugh

My job title for 39 months before coming to Columbia was "strategy consultant." I never got better than a B+ in a management class at Wharton, despite graduating with Latin honors. And at Columbia, I can't manage to break the mean on a strategy exam that covered an industry in which I did high-level corporate strategy for two years on four projects here and in Asia. No consultant worth his salt would ever go to a client saying, "I've performed a Porter's Five Forces analysis" on your industry, as the answer key suggests. I just have to laugh.

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February 25, 2005

More Y debauchery

Here are a few more pictures from Cluster Y events last night. There was a mini-blizzard and the B&T stayed away, so Manhattanites had the City to ourselves. The night started at Pipa in the Flatiron Distrcit, where we downed $160 of sangria and caught up on all the gossip, and then proceeded to PM Lounge.


.

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February 22, 2005

Maria comes to Columbia

Maria Bartiromo swung by Columbia after work today. I realized after hearing her speak for 90 minutes that Maria has probably taught me more about the markets, finance, investing, and corporations than anybody else, except maybe her colleagues Tyler Matheson, Ron Insana, David Faber, etc. I started watching Maria shortly after she came to CNBC, roughly in late 1993 when I was 13 and dashed home from middle school to watch the bell close, even though everything was way over my head. (In 2004, living in Europe, I dashed home from work at 10PM to do the same.) My first reaction is that it is really strange to hear in person a voice you've heard almost daily for the past decade.

I've never believed that TV anchors or actresses are as stupid as people (men) say. Maria is among the smartest and, accompanied by her husband, gave a similarly excellent lecture. The talk covered such topics as the current economy, the latest thinking in leadership, the emergence of China as a global buyer, Maria's "big break," and the extent to which Maria controls her editorial content. Beyond this, Maria speculated about possibly coming to Columbia to get an MBA, so I returned the compliment by asking her to come teach a course instead. (It would be 10X oversubscribed.) Maria does have a bit of a tendency to drop names, but if my job were interviewing CEOs and government leaders, I would probably drop names too.

In particular, I asked Maria to tell us how she extracts information from execs who may not want to give it out. In political communications courses, the spinmeisters advise us to go into interviews with three key talking points, from which one uses "bridge phrases" to go from answering the question to talking-up the talking points. Of course, one rarely actually answers confrontational questions but rather expands or narrows it. For example, if a host asks John Kerry what he thinks of good job-creation numbers, Kerry doesn't talk about the good numbers but rather the "bad economy" overall. I've always thought that Maria is particularly good at getting execs off their talking points. Although she asked to go off the record on the specifics, I can pass along a few of Maria's points:

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February 20, 2005

Swaying all night long

Last night was spent at Sway, one of those places in SoHo that has no exterior indication of being a club except a lot of velvet rope and three big bouncers. Bobby outdid himself again by getting bottle service, but this time there was no upchucking on my part. The most amazing part about Sway is the ability to actually conduct a real conversation thanks to the lower-volume beat.

That table looks way too empty...

That's better... get up, get dancing, get the bottle going!

Every so often, a picture appears on this website that may get me or someone else in trouble. This picture reminds me of the one where Homer was caught by Bart dancing with Princess Cashmere at the Frying Dutchman. The picture was subsequently sent all around Springfield and caused quite a scandal. In this case, the guy has a broken leg and couldn't get away from this crazy chick. It's totally not his fault--Sway is a total meat-market.

More on the Cluster Y website.

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February 15, 2005

We don't spit; we swallow

At a recent business school Wine Society event, an officer told a wine company exec, "At CBS Wine Society, we don't spit." And nobody did. Tonight, with 12 pourings, almost everyone had to spit.

I've learned some things in business school, most of them not in the classroom. This isn't because I have bad professors (although there are issues here for which I volunteered to take a fair bit of stress), but rather because I only spend 15 hours a week in the classroom and perhaps 40-50 hours a week in social events.

Perhaps the most useful skill has been the ability to actually taste a *bit* of stuff they talk about in wine reviews--tannins, oak, pepper, bouquet, body, acidity, sweetness, chocolate, etc. If one never was taught what is a square, circle, and trapezoid, it's reasonable to think they're all just shapes and they're different. Wine Society has recently organized two events where participants take flights of various wines along with a sales exec from the winemaker. Carefully selected, two to four wines can be paired in a flight to draw out substantial differences in everything from oak vs. steel barrels, filtered vs. unfiltered, big body vs. nuanced bouquet, and even pipi d'chat taste.

Tonight we even got lucky and tasted good bottles vs. two corked bottles, bottles where the cork was loose and let in chlorine to produce 2,4,6-Trichloroanisole. (I googled to find that term.) It was rancid wine, but it was also a familiar taste, as it is present in up to 10% of wines. It was barely swallowable, but I swallowed it just to see how bad the bouquet was.

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February 13, 2005

Veracruzin' for a bruzin'

Lady Bessie Braddock once told Winston Churchill, "Winston, you're drunk." Churchill replied, "Bessie, you're ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."

Last night was a night of firsts: first time to a party with UN people (hopefully they don't see what I say on here about the UN), first time to pay $15+ to get into a club, first time to join in the downing of a bottle of Hennessy V.S in the VIP room, and first time to puke out the window of a moving cab on the Upper East Side. There, I said it: it's no longer news for the student newspaper. And as Winston Churchill said, now I'm sober. And my love of cognac is shattered. (Winston never lost his love of the straight-up martini.)

Despite having VIP space reserved, we still had to wait in line. Damn NYC clubs.

Bobby sponsored the party on account of his 30th birthday, and therefore got to down as much of the bottle as he wants.

The women show off some new cards or something... blah.

This is Itamar, George W. Bush, Deborah, and me dancing on the balcony. Come to think of it, Itamar and Deborah need nicknames...

Good turnout among the ladies. Actually, it's interesting that there's not an American in this picture, with nationalities including Australia, Hong Kong, Italy, India, Indonesia, and Israel.

Since John doesn't like my blog, maybe he will like seeing this picture of him and his fiance. (I have much worse, John... be careful)

UPDATE 2/14: I have decided that I like cognac again.

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February 05, 2005

More pictures from Columbia

Alessandro provides these stunningly beautiful pictures...

Here are Miller Lite and Allesandro with me at the Lunar New Year Happy Hour on campus. The business school hosts a free happy hour every Thursday, during which several hundred students consume $7K of beer and wine. (The administration swears that tuition doesn't cover our beer.) This week there was also sake, although I admit I don't much like the taste.

Here I am with Akshay and Brother Singh. Akshay sports a $150 Emporio Armani shirt and $1 gold hat, while Brother Singh is decked out in a shirt and turban of unknown value. In a scandalous act, Brother Singh was later seen attending a basketball game sans turban.

"Passing the hat" in Cluster Y resulted in Bobby obtaining the hat, although one wonders how he balances it so.

For full versions and a few other pics, click here.

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February 04, 2005

"I swear I'm not named after that city in Iowa."

Ames Brown, resident Yalie, small business owner, and (apparently) pimp extraordinaire, provides some pictures from recent columbia events. By the way, why does Miller Time seem to show up in every picture?

Susie, Ames, Revvie, George W. Bush, Faye-Z, and The $3 Enforcer warm-up at the bar. (hmm... I guess it's not yet Miller Time)

ames1sm.jpg

Sushi dinner at some place better than Saigon Grill (which is actually pretty good).

Is it the purple velvet pants, Ames?


David shows off his teeth as if he just had his braces removed. Or maybe he wants to suck some blood.

More pictures on Ames's website.

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February 03, 2005

How could you miss Bill Gates?

The CEO of Red Hat came to Columbia today and had a short video that reminded me of the good ole' days of roughly 1998 to April 14, 2001. (That day being the day I interviewed with a now-defunct dot.com that closed down four months later.) Among the video's features? This mug shot of Bill G. Unfortunately it flashed by so fast that I think most people in the audience missed it...

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January 31, 2005

A degree in fashion design?

Sixty Minutes, my favourite television program until Rathergate, tonight shows several 21-year-old women who went to one of those colleges that advertises on The Jerry Springer Show thinking that it would launch their careers as fashion designers. (Instead they ended up under a mountain of debt.) Such people, almost all of them women of low self-esteem and dreams of stardom, are a dime a dozen in New York City.

It seems strange to me that people would engage in fashion design as a course of study. Studying art is a bit more understandable--a piece of art by an artist of mediocre calibre who hangs out a shingle might still fetch $1000. Most people who would by a $1000 piece of art won't buy a $1000 shirt, and the cost of hanging out a shingle isn't so easy. In one fashion company I consulted to, there were not more than 50 designers of 5000 total employees. And designers were far from the only ones with sexy jobs--think perhaps of the folks who write the catalogues, determine product placement, and go overseas to do sourcing.

Why don't these wannabe-designers just study business: finance, accounting, general management, product development, entrepreneurial venturing, marketing? I'm not a particularly fashionable person, but I somehow ended up doing apparel strategy, sourcing, and operations for two multi-billion dollar companies. And, in fact, the vast majority of people in these companies--many of whom had very sexy jobs--had business backgrounds. Accounting may not be fun, but learning accounting is a much better way to score a sexy job than learning fashion design.

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January 27, 2005

Shaking it down at Columbia

The first edition of Columbia's b-school student newspaper came out today, and I made the front page! Actually it is a picture of me looking somewhat gawky with two classmates "shaking it down" in Evelyn Lounge above the caption, "Not bad... not bad."

The other mention was in the cluster column, which reported: "Congrats to the winners of our contested cluster positions. Adrian looks like he will be the great, gawkish [sic] sort of Cluster Chair, who is already assertively sending out emails." "Gawky", guys, not "Gawkish".

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January 21, 2005

Quotable quotes from Columbia, part I

Supply Chain professor: "When I wake up in the morning and think of the Central Limit Theorem, I get a smile on my face."

Wow, and to think that I have had three courses discussing the Central Limit Theorem and never realized just how beautiful it is. Actually, it really is