Transatlantic Zeppelin

October 06, 2007

A depreciating asset?

A friend at an i-bank forwards the following Craigslist ad with the note, "did you write this?". She should know that we junior consultants do NOT make anywhere near $500K/yr, so I couldn't have written it, but my commentary is below.

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around $250K. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking forMARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810

*************************

THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

He's mostly accurate, except he misses the fact that a woman who's hot at 25 relative to other 25 year olds will still be hot at 35 relative to other 35 year olds. So while her looks fade in absolute terms, she stays attractive in relative terms.

Furthermore, if we set aside age arbitrage momentarily, other mens' incomes will grow relative to the hedge fund analyst's, so on a relative basis he may actually lose position.

This too ignores the question of whether having a trophy wife can actually improve one's earnings potential.

As for the question of age arbitrage, I'm not going there...

Posted by adrianjo at 11:43 AM

October 01, 2007

What $14,700 a day buys in NYC

The Penthouse at the Pierre is on the market for a cool $70M. The monthly maintenance charges are $38,720, or $460K a year just to pay the superintendent and the property tax. That pales in comparison to the $5M of mortage payments a buyer would have, though a place like the Pierre probably expects payment in cash with no mortgages allowed. Still, were mortages allowed, the cost of owning this place (mortgage + maintenance) comes to a mere $14,700 per DAY.

Among the cool things in the apartment:

The living room is considered the most magnificent privately owned room in the world. This incredible space was the original ballroom at The Pierre Hotel, with 23 foot high curved ceiling and 20 foot French doors overlooking the park and the city.

Check out the full listing.

Meanwhile there has been a strange string of burglaries in Harlem. The target isn't high-end electronics, jewelry, or cash. No, they're stealing windows and copper pipes. The empty house across the street from my old place got hit last week, and just this past Friday the following occured:

The house was gutted next door last Friday in broad daylight. They took every window, window frame and copper piping. Jill was standing out in the front and saw a guy go in the gate next door. She confronted him and he took off. She called the police and that is when we noticed that all the windows were gone.

Stealing windows. I'm speecheless. Is there anything they won't steal?

Posted by adrianjo at 09:56 PM

August 16, 2007

Barneys, you got us once again

Mid-day today as the market was down 330 points my stock portfolio had probably lost a couple grand over the course of a few hours. I never took the pain of actually looking to see. Fortunately the market recovered nicely, which gave me all the excuse I needed to high-tail it to the first day of the Barneys Warehouse Sale, where reports of first-day bedlam had trickled out since about 9AM. Racked writes:

We were in and out of the Barneys Warehouse Sale in under an hour, and now that we've had some time to refuel and hydrate, we're ready to reflect on the experience. It is so easy to get swept up in the mania of this event. You walk in and there are racks and racks of designer clothing and shoes. All around you, people are frantically grabbing up garments and dropping trou. It feels like a frantic, now-or-never-type deal; no time for indecision. ... And though the place was claustrophobically packed with the usual toe-stepping-on, shoving-prone crowd and prices were still pretty high, we still caved and dropped a few hundred dollars. Barneys, you got us once again.

While the sale may well have lost some of its luster--prices on the first day are the same as they've been since July in the stores--there were still a few bargains. After getting locked-out of the Prada Sample Sale when I I didn't sign-up immediately at 8AM Monday, I was happy to score a $69 pair of wool Prada slacks.

Posted by adrianjo at 11:54 PM

August 02, 2007

The subprime disaster is hitting close to home

Two weeks ago, a guy from American Home Mortgage cut me a check for far more money than I've ever seen in my life, which was promptly handed to the seller of the condo I bought. Today, American Home Mortgage went bankrupt. Forbes says:

Although Thursday began on a hopeful note for American Home Mortgage Investment, by the close of business, the business seemed to have closed.

Employees of the Melville, N.Y.-based mortgage real estate investment trust apparently received an email from Michael Strauss, the company’s chairman, at a little after 3 p.m., stating that their last day of employment would be Friday. A copy of the email was provided to Forbes.com by an employee who asked not to be identified. Reached by telephone, another employee said, "We are no longer in business as of this afternoon."

“It is with great sadness I announce today that American Home Mortgage has been forced to close. Unfortunately, the market conditions in both the secondary mortgage market as well as the national real estate market have deteriorated to the point that our business is no longer viable,” Strauss wrote.

AHM is not a sub-prime lender, and I'm not a subprime borrower. But my loan is risky in just about every other way - 100% interest-only adjustable-rate financing with a high back-end backed by an asset in a risky part of the island.

The impact to me will be minimal, since the check has been written. But had this implosion happened just two weeks earlier, I'd have been SOL.

Posted by adrianjo at 08:57 PM

March 14, 2007

I'm probably the only New Yorker who cares about his landlord's health

Real estate is a blood sport in New York, and it's typically first experienced by virgin New Yorkers in the city's notorious rent market, where junior bankers will fight over a cramped Village studio in a 5th-floor walk-up that rents for $3000/month and requires a $6000 security deposit and a cosigner, plus a $5000 payment to the deadheaded and sleazy realtor who "found" you the place. Then one finds his landlord on some Worst 10 list.

I avoided most of this by living in Harlem, though my poor girlfriend's blonde hair attracts plenty of unwanted attention here. When I arrived late in the evening of January 1, my elderly landlady, who's lived in Harlem since she was born, called a car service and took me out to dinner at a place on Zagat's Top 50, insisting that she pick-up the tab. She outfitted me with a bed, sheets, and towels, seeing as my stuff wasn't to arrive for a few days. And she gave me a block-by-block rundown of the places to avoid in Harlem because of the drug dealers. What kind of landlord in New York City, or anywhere, does that for her tenants?

As her mental health declined, she started going increasingly batty, at one point ordering me to move out because, she said, I stole her birth certificate. I just kept on paying rent but quietly went into contract to buy a place, figuring I'd rather be a slave to a mortgage than to a landlord. (That was last July, and the condo still is not fully built.)

On Monday, shortly after I arrived at the plant in Tennessee, I got a call from the guy who lives on the second floor. He hadn't seen Dolores since Friday, and she had missed her Friday evening theatre appointment with him. I had noticed an awful smell in the hallway coming from her unit, a smell I couldn't place precisely but wasn't just rubbish. We ended up calling the cops, who Monday morning had been to the house and "removed" Dolores.

Long story short, she's been in a coma since blacking-out and falling Friday between 5PM and 6.30PM. The cops found her unconscious in the kitchen and took her to Harlem Hospital, where she vowed never to go, even though it's the same place that saved Martin Luther King Jr's life after the first assassination attempt. The doctors say that she's "in God's hands now," which I think is doctor-speak for "we've done all we can," which is rarely a good prognosis.

Regardless of the outcome, it's sad to see such a thing happen to someone who accomplished so much, becoming an African-American millionaire who is known throughout the Harlem community. In a city where 589 housing code violations barely qualifies one as among the Worst 10 landlords in the city, it's refreshing to know that there are friendly people out there who would rather take the tenants to dinner rather than to court.

Posted by adrianjo at 12:32 AM

February 20, 2007

New York real estate continues up

NEW YORK - The bonuses at places like Goldman Sachs - which averaged $600,000 for every single employee - have put one heck of a zing in the Manhattan real estate market, and this is before the traditional summer buying season. (No, my bonus won't be anywhere near Goldman levels.) When I bought at the top of the last mini-cycle in real estate (July 2006), I admit I did feel a bit foolish for a while. And I'm still annoyed that the building hasn't been completed despite months of delays.

Still, with Manhattan awash in money, prices are up double-digits since last year:

Reports the NYT:

Across the board, the prices of Manhattan apartments are rising. Jonathan Miller, the president of Miller Samuel, an appraisal firm, said the number of contracts signed this January was 19.4 percent higher than in January 2006. Prices were up 14.4 percent in the same time period. Inventory, which was mounting last summer, is shrinking fast.

Now, according to Mr. Miller, statistics showed that sales of studio and one-bedroom units, stagnant over the past year, were up 13.7 percent in January. “It’s not like a lot of huge sales at the high end skewed the average up.”

According to a report released last week by the National Association of Realtors, prices are falling in many other metropolitan areas around the country. The report covered only the last quarter of 2006, and showed a modest increase of 3.1 percent for the New York area, which includes parts of northern New Jersey.

Anecdotally, there isn’t much talk of falling prices in Manhattan and in the most sought-after neighborhoods in Brooklyn, where young people looking for a break, empty nesters looking for a guest room and foreigners looking for a pied-à-terre say they want to live.

Katalin Shavely, a 30-year-old bedding designer in Manhattan, devotes her weekends to scanning the classifieds and attending open houses, searching for just the right one-bedroom apartment. She can’t find it. “I made a mistake,” she said last week. “I should have started looking before Thanksgiving.”

She should come look in Harlem, though even in my building, two units have gone into contract in the past weekend and the project is nearly 85% sold out. Every unit cheaper than mine is sold, which is a good sign, since demand for entry-level condos tends to be stronger than penthouses.

Posted by adrianjo at 10:52 PM

February 03, 2007

Young and fearless New York real estate buyers

As I wait for my condo to finally get done, Sunday's NY Times has an article on how "prepared and fearless" young buyers in Manhattan are changing how the real estate game is played. For one thing, younger buyers are far better prepared, which makes sense when we have to pay $1000 per foot for property that may have cost our parents just $50/foot back in thier day. I remember getting strange looks from the agent at 2002 Fifth Avenue when I calculated in my head the tax impact of the building's strange ground-lease co-op structure. Eventually I had to explain that I have a degree in real estate, but the Times article convinces me that I'm not alone in building IRR models in Excel to model different returns scenarios on purchasing a condo.

The Times mentions how financing alternatives are getting more creative, which isn't really news. Indeed, the mortgage broker seemed a bit excited when I said I'd rather do 100% financing in a 5-year Interest only ARM, financing even the closing costs (which in Manhattan can be $25,000 or more for an entry-level condo), and keeping spare cash in the stock market. This makes me a "most extreme case" according to the Times:

In the most extreme cases, Joseph Gallagher, a Corcoran Group broker in Brooklyn, has had clients with high credit scores finance everything, even their closing costs. He finds that some developers are willing to take down payments as low as 5 percent to fill their apartments.

... brokers say that buyers who have made enough money to put down 20 percent are choosing to keep their money in their pockets.

“Younger buyers want to retain their cash,” Mr. Gallagher said. “They don’t want to empty their bank accounts for a deposit. They want to finance 100 percent if possible.”

It was common for Baby Boomers to buy their $100,000 house with a fixed rate mortgage that was to be paid-off in 30 years. The American Dream has changed.

But even with all this thoughtful research, she rattled her family when she told them about the kind of mortgage she had chosen for what she considers a five-year investment.

“My parents freaked out when I said I was doing a seven-year, interest-only ARM,” she said. “They’ve always bought properties that they’ve owned for life.”

I decided some time ago that I own too much stuff and need fewer possessions. "When you buy real estate nowadays, you're buying a payment and the potential for upside," my mortgage broker explained. I can pay a rent or I can pay a mortgage, but I have no delusions that I might actually one day own or pay-off my condo, nor would I want to. And I don't really even consider it ownership, just control of an asset and its cash flows. The best thing about "owning" will be the ability to reduce my income tax bill by a third by writing-off the interest. If I can borrow the last dollar on a 100% mortgage for 9% pre-tax or 6% post-tax and invest spare money in the stock market at 7% through a tax-deferred vehicle, why not take the 1%? Why pay-off a mortgage when it just increases one's tax bill? I may "own" the property, but really I own a monthly payment and a tax shield. I don't think many of our parent's generation would think that way, or be happy with it.

Posted by adrianjo at 09:59 PM

November 19, 2006

Chain-store gang

Thursday night we found ourselves flying back from Texas. We had left at 11.30AM. It was now 11.30PM. You can imagine what happened in the meantime, what with the bad weather and all. The Capitan came on and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, as you can tell, we’ve been circling over LaGuardia for a while now. We have been told we can land in an hour, but we don’t have an hour’s worth of fuel. So we’re about to land in Philadelphia instead.”

That made for a nice evening in Philly—we tried to drown-out the travel troubles with Champagne at the Ritz Carlton—but it inevitably turned into a working night till 2AM. The next morning I paid a visit to Vikram and my old friends at Wharton the next morning. On the downside, I missed Chain Lunch Fridays at the office. Basically, every Friday, the consultants in the office choose a different Times Square chain restaurant for lunch, usually some tourist-trap restaurant that no New Yorker would be caught dead in like Bubba Gump’s or ESPN Zone. Times Square has degenerated into a giant Disneyfied suburb stacked vertically, a sea of crappy chain stores and Marriott hotels like what usually sprawls down suburban highways. Blinking lights + second-rate chain hotels, restaurants, and stores = tourist magnet.

Times Square’s decline is a recent phenomenon. Local lore holds that Times Square used to be a seedy land of 25-cent spank booths and strip clubs, much of which got wiped-out by the combined forces of the zoning board and the VCR. I don’t have much use for spank booths and tittie bars, but I suspect that in those times, there were far better food options in Times Square.

That’s not to say that Times Square is a miserable place today; indeed it has its share of gems. There’s the W Hotel, of course, and the Japanese restaurant Haru. Nearby, Ninth Ave has some excellent restaurants, while 44th St between Fifth and Sixth Avenues (Clubhouse Row) seems to have a giant no-tourist force field protecting the local clubhouses and places like Daniel Bouloud’s DB Bistro Moderne (home of the $30 foie-gras-stuffed sirloin burger) and the Royalton Hotel (one of Philippe Stark’s earliest hotel commissions).

The latest addition to the New York cheap fashion scene is Uniqlo, a Japanese retailer that somehow opened in the Menlo Park Mall well-before last weekend’s grand opening in SoHo, which doesn’t make much sense. Marketers have recently been puzzling over how young New Yorkers will take the $2 A-Train to JFK to meet a first-class flight to Europe, as well as wearing $20 shirts under $400 Barney’s jackets. Uniqlo seems to get it: their magalog features a section called “The Girl from Gramercy,” subtitled “Not quite uptown, not quite downtown, the girls from Gramercy Park have a unique take on elegance and cool.” The photos show a Continental-looking young woman of perhaps 20 years of age peering from the back of a black Towncar wearing a $30 sweater and $10 mittens. Somehow the subtle juxtaposition of the aspirational luxury of a limo and cheap sweaters works for Uniqlo in a way that wouldn’t for Old Navy.

The Uniqlo magalog also features interviews with Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon and the designers behind the brand. There’s also a piece called “I Love New York” by Glen O’Brien complete with a list of 10 reasons. Among his reasons:

1. Beauty. I’ve been everywhere and there is absolutely nowhere where you see as many beauties as you do on the streets of New York. Beauties from all over the world converge here, hoping to be a famous model or actress or billionaire spouse. When the weather gets warm and there is less clothing on the streets it’s a spectacle out there and several times a day one is absolutely wowed.

Hmm… a hot early-20s woman hoping to be a famous model or actress? I’ve never met anyone like that in New York.

5. Liberty. No matter how much the world has changed, New Yorkers still welcome you with open arms. We believe in the Statue of Liberty. You Can Still Give Us Your Huddled Masses. This town was created by people who had to leave where they lived before. You want to worship toads or tattoo your entire body or drive a cab wearing a veil? You’ve come to the right place. You two guys want to get married? It’s OK with us. You two gals? You two… whatever you are? Our diversity is our strength. You can do whatever you want here. Just don’t walk down Broadway three abreast. This ain’t the mall, honey.

6. No Malls. Yes, we have no stores ending in “–mart,” but if you want to buy limited-edition sneakers or fennel pollen or mounted dung beetles or old bebop 78s or a Jeff Koons painting or solid gold handcuffs or a magic wand…”

Hmm, no malls, huh? So why did Uniqlo open their first US store in a New Jersey mall? When does the store in Times Square open? Unfortunately, like many companies that have great marketing (think H&M) and questionable authenticity, the clothes at Uniqlo fall flat, but I might be suckered in by the $80 cord jacket.

Posted by adrianjo at 07:40 PM

September 04, 2006

So much for $300/mo in discretionary spending

The Barney's Warehouse Sale wrapped-up today. I have to say: it was the craziest sale I've ever been to. The menswear is sold from a cellar-level clothing warehouse in Chelsea. (In LA, the sale is in an airport hangar.) It was a half-hour line to get in, then another 40 minutes to check-out. Although you might agree with the 10 Reasons to Avoid the Barney's Warehouse Sale, it's hard to resist the urge. There were perhaps 100 suits in my size, plus thousands of shirts, sport coats, and trousers. Shoes were almost fully sold-out. Many of the styles were were avant-garde experiments that went over like a lead balloon, but there was also a wide range of relatively conservative attire like pink shirts and black suits by designers like Burberry and Varvatos. All in all, it took 2.5 hours, but I saved $1800. So much for trying to live on a $300/month discretionary spending budget. (I was succeeding since July!)

I didn't go up to the womenswear section, but the Village Voice says I should have:

"Ladies, please keep your undergarments on, thank you," reads a wall sign, alluding to the lack of fitting rooms and the propensity of certain modesty-free types to strip down in front of the crowded mirrors. (What could be more fun than trying on a Balenciaga surf suit over your panties and bra while a roomful of strangers looks on?)

Meanwhile, a forum writer puts in his two cents:

I walk downstairs to the sale, which looks pretty much what I imagine prison is like. The whole place takes place underground in a huge, unadorned, and rather dilapidated warehouse. I'm talking chipped paint on the walls and ceiling, exposed pipes, the works. Sections of the sale are separated by large chain link fences, you are required to check all your bags before being allowed to enter, and there is a large security guard present just about every 5-10 feet. In case of a yuppie riot I guess?

Shopping at this sale is seriously surreal. People are picking through giant cardboard boxes of $100-$300 t-shirts and sweaters. Random brands of "premium" denim are messily piled up about 3 feet high on foldout tables. Giant metal racks of suits and coats were the only things organized enough to be browsible.

If you ever want to see a lack of dignity displayed by the upper-middle class, this is probably the event to check out. Want to sit down while trying on shoes? Better learn to balance because there are no seats. Guys in suits were stripping down to undershirts in the middle of the warehouse because the place has no changing rooms.

To my surprise, most of the people here were early 20-30s. There were a lot of popped polos, untucked dress shirts, and giant aviator sunglasses in play. And lots and lots of pink. ... The hot accessority seems to be the Asian girlfriend, as about 1/3 of the white guys in the room had one in tow. The place buzzed with some sort of jackass uniformity which I will attribute to the finance industry. The underlying hum told me "junior analyst".

Junior consultants, too. Why do the Wall Street guys get all the credit for everything in this town?

The Wall St Journal suggests the women on the prowl go in the evening:

Notes Barneys' Mr. Doonan: "The warehouse sale is a great place to meet a husband. That's where all the guys go when they're starting out on Wall Street." The secret for the single shopper is to go at night, says Mr. Doonan. "They've all got jobs. Go in the evening. It's nuts with guys."

I guess Barney's knows its target market.

Posted by adrianjo at 10:44 PM

August 23, 2006

More floorplan pr0n

More interesting real estate for sale in this new listing. It's not often that one can buy any space in New York that's 46 feet wide. At the $55M asking price, it's just over $1M per foot of street frontage for this mansion just off Fifth Ave. Check out the provenance of the house. Check the listing for some floorplan porn too. [HT: Curbed]

Posted by adrianjo at 11:04 PM

June 01, 2006

State of the NYC housing market

I've been thinking about buying a place here in Harlem, but obviously it's a decision fraught with risk. Here's a very interesting analysis on the state of the market from a guy near Wall Street:

I live in 88 Greenwich St. (Financial Distict) and was just notified that they are planning a condo conversion. This is the 2nd in our area (120 greenwich was just recently converted).

Anyways, they're trying to get more than $1000/sqft (even on the insiders price) which my wife and I thought was laughable. (120 greenwich is the same). [Note: a typical house in Indiana costs $100/sf, includes a yard, and doesn't have a mandatory monthly maintenance fee.]

Don't get me wrong, I understand the prices in Manhattan, but this is seriously crazy. I mean this is the Financial District not the West Village. The Pussycat Lounge is just downstairs and there isn't a single decent restaurant in the area.

There are 400 units in this building and they are absolutely Rental quality only. Fixtures/appliances are cheap, our windows don't even close correctly so the heat and cold flow through and the wall are paper thin (which is annoying and sometime humorous).

I pay $2985/mo (market rate) for my apt (1br-800sqft used to have a nice view of the statue of liberty until another building went up last month) and they want $850,000 for this. On top of this (for those who may not know) closing costs and title transfer runs about another $50,000 (condos have a title transfer tax). So I'm thinking wow I can buy my apt for $900,000 what a fantastic deal. I only have to put down $125,000 and my payment will only be $5200/month (taxes and common charges). I'll save about $1,400/month on taxes so my net payment will only be $3,800 month!

Wait a minute! What the hell. I only pay $2895 now and I have $125,000 in the bank at 4.25% so net of taxes I'm making about $275.00 a month in interest (RISK FREE FDIC INSURED). So really my net rent is only $2,620.

Hmmm $2,620 or $3,800 which is better?

And for those who are banking on appreciation, at this point why would anyone expect this appreciate any more than the inflation rate of maybe 2% or $17,000 a year? Sounds like a lot, but if you bank the savings of $1180 a month vs. buying you can save $14,000 a year so really you're only ahead $3,000. Once you factor in selling costs of 6% it would take you about 17 years to cover this with your "profit".

Last if these things even depreciate 5% in the next 2 years and you want to sell you're dust. You've lost the $50,000 in closing, plus $28,000 in rent savings plus the 5% or $42,000, plus you'll have to pay broker charges to sell your place which could be another $20,000-$40,000. So you could walk away in the hole by $100,000.

Leverage works both ways, on the way up it's great but on the way down watch out!

It's a good argument, but the problem is that his 4.25% risk-free return is stupid. He ought to be invested at least in equities, which return 6.5 to 7% above the rate of inflation, or about 10% nominal. Even if it costs more and there's little appreciation, owning at least gives an investor the upside. Furthermore, an owner can't be told to vacate the apartment at a moment's notice. A risk-averse individual would rent, while a risk-seeking individual would strongly consider buying the right place.

P.S. Congrats to CRB on her 21st. Drink up!

Posted by adrianjo at 12:04 AM

May 17, 2006

Kennedy floorplan porn

Sometimes I get bored looking through the real estate listing and indulge in some floorplan porn. Here is the floorplan and listing for Jackie Onassis's former apartment in a Fifth Avenue co-op. It's listed at $32M, cash only, plus $10K a month in maintenance fees.

Posted by adrianjo at 07:22 PM

May 09, 2006

The latest place to visit

The city's newest rooftop opened Thursday at 230 Fifth Ave. At 14,000 sf, the place is massive and has great 270-degree views all around. It's going to be a great hang-out. Only problem might be that the place is so huge that "crowd quality" is an issue (as UrbanDaddy so obliquely says). But hey, it's not like the Gansevoort rooftop has a great crowd either.

Posted by adrianjo at 05:48 PM

April 15, 2006

Better than floorplan porn

I've been thinking a lot about real estate lately. Real estate is a favorite pass-time with Manhattanites, since almost everyone here spends an insane amount in some form to put a roof over their heads. So why not at least own rather than pay someone else rent?

I decided to look to buy up here in Harlem, where prices are more reasonable, though now even Harlem prices are hitting $600/sf. (In the suburbs, $150/sf is an expensive price.) It has, of course, been a huge pain in the ass already, starting with out-of-date listings, brokers who don't return inquires promptly, tax issues, etc. Corcoran, for one, might have a good reputation, but try getting one of their brokers to reply to an email. Once I finally did get a call back, the place I was looking at is "no longer available," though their website indicates otherwise. I wonder if they didn't bother with me because I used a ".edu" email address and the figured I'm a poor grad student that they don't want to deal with?

Yesterday I paid a visit to 40 Mercer, a new $130M condo project in SoHo. I don't think I'll be moving there anytime soon, but a Columbia guy offered to show us around the site. It's one of those places where they say, "if you have to ask, you can't afford it." A small section of private terrace on the roof starts at $500,000 to buy. The cheapest place *under* a roof is $2.3M, and it has a view of the butt of another building. $2.3M gets you one bedroom, at a price of around $2300/sf.

After $130M is spent building 40 Mercer and the units sold, it's likely that fewer than 20 people will live there full-time. Most units were purchased by out-of-towners as pieds-a-terre, or homes-away-from-home. On one hand, it seems like a giant waste for people to dedicate years of their lives to building a $130M structure for 20 people to live in. And, because of a tax abatement, a resident of a $13M place in 40 Mercer pays less property tax than I would pay if I bought a single floor of a brownstone in Harlem. On the other hand, maybe some resident there needs a house-sitter?

Floorplan porn is fun with this development. Here is Andre Balazs's $10M penthouse floorplan. And here is the $13M pool residence--yes, it has a private rooftop pool and terrace. It also features a 17-foot section of glass wall that is opened and closed with a motor. The owner of this unit is some London hedge fund guy.

The floorplans don't show some of the more obnoxious parts of the development--ok, the most obnoxious thing: the giant blue and red panes of glass in the units. Supposedly the designer thought of Broadway as blue and Mercer St as red, so units fronting those streets have windows that are partially clear, partially red or blue glass. That's obnoxious enough, but the worst is a group of three units that have a giant pane of blue glass covering the best view from the unit. And it's written into your property title that the hideous blue glass stays forever. Small wonder that these four units have been very difficult to sell.

Posted by adrianjo at 08:13 PM

April 09, 2006

Thank you Ted & Nina

It's Zagat New York Survey time, which provides an opportunity to thank the restaurants that provided wonderful experiences over the last year, and to take revenge on the places that were really, truly awful.

I was ready to take revenge on a Times Square tourist trip called Bolzano's, who forced expensive bottled water on our group, when I found out it was closed already and not eligible for voting. But there are some awful New York restaurants that are still around, such as Baldoria, who installed a jukebox next to our table as we ate, then took over two hours to actually deliver the meal.

On the plus side, the survey provides the opportunity to remember some fabulous meals at New York's better restaurants, including Eleven Madison, Pastis, Tao, Indus Valley, Blue Fin, Bello Sguardo, Native, Citrus, Capitale, Fraunces Tavern, and how many can't I remember?

Posted by adrianjo at 12:43 PM

January 01, 2006

The Joy of 06

At about 3PM on New Year's Eve, one million people start arriving at Times Square, where they stand in pens until midnight as they are pelted with snow, rain, and sleet. Meanwhile they can't so much as take a leak without losing their place in the pen.

Faced with the choices of standing in the cold for 9 hours, a $150/person party at a club, or going to the office to watch and drink BYOB, I went to the office. About 100 others did the same. The office is across the street from the ball at the same height, so the ball falls right in front of the windows.

The ball is actually a lot smaller in real life than it seems on TV. Frankly I don't think that the people standing back at 55th St could see it at all. The TV also doesn't pick-up the effect of ball's crystal festoons, which give the ball the shimmer of a giant Faberge egg.

(Click pictures to enlarge.)

This photo shows how small the ball really is.

We had a hard time seeing how far the crowd stretched up 7th Ave, but it appeared from the flashbulbs that they may well have gone all the way to Central Park South, which would provide a great view of the Central Park Fireworks. The cops--perhaps 15 of them at every intersection--were surprisingly friendly, and we had very little trouble getting into the office. We didn't even see any checkpoints for weapons or alcohol.

In the picture below, the main stage (with Mariah Carey) is very bottom/center. The ABC studios, where 20/20 is filmed, are very bottom/right. The MTV studios, where TRL is filmed, are a block up 7th on the left (not visible).

If Tiff ever gets an audition to be a newscaster, I suggest she include this in her portfolio:

More than one ton of confetti was thrown off the rooftops at 11PM and midnight.

The confetti was big enough to show up in the camera:

When we noticed the ball was on its way down, starting 60 seconds before midnight, you can guess what happened. As the ball reached its base and the big "2006" was lit, fireworks from the rooftop across the street went off, with some shells hitting the Conde Nast Building around the 35th floor. Fireworks are best seen up-close!

Our first picture of the new year:

Building occupants are instructed to stay in the building until the crowd thins out, but that wasn't long. It's amazing how fast a million cold, shivering, tired people can disperse after the New Year's kiss.

As you might notice in the background, there was a lot of staring when we took this picture. Maybe it was because Tiffany was in a white half-length dress and me in a suit. Maybe it was because I appeared to be taking a picture of a random girl; maybe they confused her for a more-famous actress. Maybe it was because I was happy-warm-tipsy and the crowd cold-sober. Maybe it was just because Tiffany had put on her walking shoes rather than the stilettos. But I think that the most likely reason of all, is that... OK, I don't know why. I just wanted to quote the narrator of the Grinch.

May 2006 be the best year yet.

Posted by adrianjo at 02:46 PM

December 04, 2005

I'm Sold

As a friend said, "only a New Yorker would stay in a hotel in his own city." This past weekend was Sell Weekend, when the firm gathers the people who just got job offers in New York starting next fall to try to convince them to sign the offer. I signed my offer a while ago, but I was still there. Sell Weekends have become urban legends on campus, with stories of limos, fancy dinners, trendy hotels, and unlimited $350 bottles of Grey Goose. I won't confirm if any of these are true. And in the case of the Grey Goose, I don't remember that part of last night.

I realized that I'm really coming to like Philippe Starck as an avant-garde designer. Starck designed Felix, the penthouse bar at the Peninsula Hong Kong, which features sweeping views over Hong Kong harbour. Friday, we had drinks at one of Starck's early designs (1988), the Royalton Hotel in midtown. The lobby bar is a block long and evokes thoughts of early steamship travel. The maritime theme was continued Saturday with dinner and late-night partying at the Maritime Hotel's Hiro Lounge. With so many well-designed places in town, why do people get near the Marriott?

Here's a picture from the weekend...

UPDATE: Another fellow at the weekend writes:

SUBJECT: Man I knew you were crazy

I just didn’t know how much.
Now that I’ve read your blog, I do.

When I saw you flirting with the cute girl across the table yesterday at breakfast I didn't realize you haven’t just met her.
Now that I’ve read your blog, I do.

Posted by adrianjo at 04:10 PM

November 20, 2005

This Happy Valley isn't a Hong Kong racetrack

I dragged TH down to Happy Valley last night. Cousin Tara took one look at the club's website and said, "what did you have to do to convince her to go there?" Some pics are below, and there are more at a promoter's website.

The club is a tribute to '70s and '80s discos that apparently were quite popular in New York. Hence the ultra-short white-ringed shorts worn by the cocktail waitresses that make Hooters girls' outfits look downright modest. I'm not sure the connection with the giant legs above the bar, except that the club's name has nothing to do with Penn State or the famous racetrack in Hong Kong.

I guess it's a good thing we didn't stay too late. Not only is there the photo below, but last time I was in this club, it was called Social Club and I puked out the back window of the cab on the way home. I even blogged about it.

Posted by adrianjo at 09:41 PM

November 09, 2005

Last night in New York

The filming of Law & Order SVU on 122nd St yesterday was not particularly noteworthy, at least in terms of the buffet. The actors and staff, who numbered more than 40, got a couple pots of coffee, some cookies, and some chopped strawberries on a rolling cart. I was expecting more, especially given the Ferarri and Porsche that some nitwits from the production left parked on the streets of Harlem. Most of the filming at St. Martin's church happened at night, so no pics:(

It was also election night, where Bloomy trounced Freddy. Freddy's "two New Yorks" theme never gained traction, and overall it was a disastrous campaign for the Democrat. The NY Times has an unusually good wrap-up. Particularly noteworthy:

The Democratic defeat called into question the party's bedrock strategy of seeking to unite a multiracial coalition behind its mayoral nominee, which the Ferrer team attempted to achieve with dozens of endorsements from black and Hispanic leaders, a strategy that propelled the last Democratic mayoral victory when David N. Dinkins was elected in 1989.

Democrats also believed, apparently incorrectly, that Mr. Ferrer's Puerto Rican roots would largely guarantee huge support from Hispanics, a fast-growing part of the electorate. "The first time the Democratic Party has ever nominated a Latino for mayor, he not only did not get strong support from other parts of the 'liberal coalition' - blacks and white liberals - he was also unable to generate much fervor among Latinos," said John H. Mollenkopf, director of the Center for Urban Research at the City University of New York Graduate Center.

Posted by adrianjo at 12:30 PM

November 07, 2005

Come see Law & Order SVU tomorrow

New York City is home to a fair number of film shoots. Fortunately, before they take over your neighborhood, they have to put up signs identifying the production. Anyone who wants to watch Law & Order SVU shoot, come to 122nd St in front of my house tomorrow.

The size of the shoots is really astonishing. There are typically anywhere from 10 to 30 vehicles, ranging from star trailers to generator trucks. The canteen is also very prominent, often with signs pointing towards the buffet. I have no idea why filming a show is such a production--neighborhood guys like Maysles do a good job with just a camera. Maybe tomorrow I'll take some pictures of the Law & Order people and all the stuff it takes to film a simple TV show.

Posted by adrianjo at 11:54 PM

October 23, 2005

I'm away this weekend, sorta

Things I've heard this weekend:

"New Yorkers are the only people who would stay in a hotel in their own city."

New York has so many great hotels, why travel to the ends of the earth to enjoy a good hotel? Isn't a $20 cab ride sufficient?

"You said that with the perfect level of disdain for those other people."

In the words of Monty Burns, Excellent!

Posted by adrianjo at 12:34 AM

October 19, 2005

How much for that studio with no window?

In Manhattan, maybe $2000. Add a window and a studio apartment might run $2500. Indeed, the average Manhattan homeowner, according to some consulting firm, pays over $146K/yr in housing expenses, making Manhattan the most expensive place in the country to own a home.

That's swell, but surely they didn't consider the costs up here in Harlem, where a one-bedroom apartment costs less than half what a studio would cost in midtown.

Posted by adrianjo at 01:25 PM

October 18, 2005

Eating too fast?

I have written previously about how one needs only two grocery stores (Whole Foods and Wal-Mart) and how Whole Foods is the best place in New York to pick-up a runway model. (Just watch her eyes as she scans both you and your basket.)

Now Business Week is chiming in, wondering where the growth spurt for Whole Foods will end. The company's supply chain is wholly local, and the produce selection in New York has been sub-par recently. The company still needs a doorman at the Columbus Circle store to keep out the tourists and other nincompoops who wander in looking for a coke and Doritos.

Posted by adrianjo at 12:23 AM

September 22, 2005

Al Sharpton learns about unintended consequences

I have twice derided Al Sharpton's overhyped endorsement of Freddy Ferrer in the New York mayor's election. (once, twice) Sharpton likes to think that he actually matters in politics, and today a new poll confirms that Sharpton might be having an effect. Fully 7% of voters now are "more likely" to vote for Freddy, while over four times as many (29%) are "less likely" to vote for Sharpton's guy. Another 61% don't care. The net result of Al's endorsement? 93% of voters either don't care or are likely to do the opposite of what Al wants. Keep it up, Al!

Posted by adrianjo at 02:03 PM

September 19, 2005

It's not hard to out-smart Rev. Al

Rev. Calvin Otis Butts III, pastor of Harlem's world-famous Abyssinian Baptist Church, is a bit smarter than my friend Al Sharpton. Not only is Butts more deeply respected as a black civic and political leader, Butts also is far shrewder politically. Rev. Al travels by limousine and stays at the Four Seasons. Rev. Butts says that a trip to Central Park counts as a vacation. Rev. Al debates which Democrat sure-to-be-loser to endorse in the Democratic primary, while Rev. Butts waited until recently to endorse Republican Mayor Bloomberg. Guess who will have more influence at City Hall next year.

People who don't look like they live in Harlem but are interested in hearing Butts speak can (1) queue up with the tourist throngs outside Abyssinian on Sunday morning and hope to get in, or (2) listen online. I suggest the latter. Online listening also includes the choir's music.

Posted by adrianjo at 09:57 PM

August 12, 2005

It's getting hot in here

With the high in NYC predicted to hit 97 degrees tomorrow and with my apt having no air conditioning, I will seclude myself in a corner of the Penn Club library. Visitors are welcome.

Posted by adrianjo at 08:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 09, 2005

Burning down the council estate

Tucker Carlson is among the more moronic talking-heads, and here is an equally moronic debate over whether half of NYC housing project units should be smoke-free. The panel completely misses the point: if one is living in a home that is paid for by taxpayers like me, he does not have a right to do whatever he wants to that home. In fact, I think the bill doesn't go far enough; all housing projects should be smoke-free. If one wants to burn tobacco, let him buy his own house and do it there. Besides, anyone so poor that they are living in public housing ought not to be spending their public assistance money (again provided by me the taxpayer) on cigarettes.

The General Grant Houses, one of many NYCHA properties in Harlem.

Posted by adrianjo at 10:57 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Burning down the council estate

Tucker Carlson is among the more moronic talking-heads, and here is an equally moronic debate over whether half of NYC housing project units should be smoke-free. The panel completely misses the point: if one is living in a home that is paid for by taxpayers like me, he does not have a right to do whatever he wants to that home. In fact, I think the bill doesn't go far enough; all housing projects should be smoke-free. If one wants to burn tobacco, let him buy his own house and do it there. Besides, anyone so poor that they are living in public housing ought not to be spending their public assistance money (again provided by me the taxpayer) on cigarettes.

The General Grant Houses, one of many NYCHA properties in Harlem.

Posted by adrianjo at 10:57 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 05, 2005

Slow going in Turtle Bay

Here is a picture from a recent visit to the UN's Security Council chambers over in Turtle Bay. I wanted to pay a visit to Kofi's office on the 38th floor, but I was told that he was out.

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August 04, 2005

They won't make you gordo

TH and I were meandering down Broadway last night when we got tired, walked over to Amsterdam (at 79th), and happened upon a new restaurant: Bello Sguardo. A Mediterranean tapas joint, it combines Spanish, Italian, Greek, and Turkish concepts to provide a surprising variety. The serving size is blissfully small, which means that a 3-course meal is possible without busting the gut. The sleek setting, al fresco seating, and cool candles are worth a visit. That 3-course dinner can be had for under $20/person, which I didn't think was possible at a decent restaurant in New York.

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July 22, 2005

Subway IQ

New York cops have started searching bags on the subway. Unfortunately it's all bark, no bite. There are 4.5M riders a day on the NYC transit system, and only a few hundred bags a day will be inspected. If anything of London's scale happened (some 40 pax dying), then one's odds of being killed are 1/100,000, assuming he uses the system on the day a blast occurs. Walking down the street is far more dangerous than riding the subway.

It's also worth remembering that London had four bombs, which means that cops would have to stop all 4 bombs from entering the system. Let's assume that by sheer luck, 3 of the 4 bombers are stopped. There would still be a successful terrorist attack on the subway.

As I pointed out earlier, the cops would be far more effective if they rode the subway with the great unwashed and arrested the panhandlers, soliciters, grifters, drunken homeless, graffiti-makers, and people with bad BO who are encountered nearly every day on NYC's slimy subways.

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July 09, 2005

A matter of time

The cops were all over the subway yesterday following the London attacks. That's swell, but why should a subway rider feel secure in the cops' ability to stop terrorists from blowing up the subway when they can't prevent simple crimes? E.g.:

• Panhandling. It's all-to-common on subways, even though it's prohibited.
• Soliciting. There is an Asian woman who makes a very good living selling pirated DVDs on the 2/3 north of 96th St.
• Sleeping. New York City's homeless shelters have significant excess capacity, yet a rider at 2AM is likely to find himself joining a sleeping homeless person complete with cart and bags.

If the cops can't handle bums, beggars, and hawkers on the subway, there is no way that they can handle mini-Osamas.

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July 08, 2005

My new occupation

I've changed my occupation on my friendster profile to "cat herder" from "annoyer of Frenchmen."

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June 28, 2005

More NYC pictures

Here are two pics from Alex and my weekly dinner at the W Hotel or a nearby dining establishment of reputable character.

This is at Hell's Kitchen, perhaps New York's best Mexican-inspired restaurant.

One of these fellows is a firm-wide hero and celebrity for passing out drunk at the company's annual worldwide soccer tournament in Dusseldorf last year. When hotel staff roused him from his slumber on the stairs, he didn't know his name, where he was, or anything else. However, he did know who he works for and muttered the name of the firm. (No, this hero is not me.)

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June 23, 2005

Now showing at Broadway & 48th St

The W Times Square has a problem, mainly that the drinks are so good that people sometimes really over-drink. Last night that resulted in an entertaining fisticuffs. Alex and I were having dinner at Blue Fin's sidewalk terrace when three big bouncers dragged a guy out of the lobby onto the sidewalk and took him down in a loud commotion. As he screamed at the "meatheads," they attempted to manacle his hands and feet, but were unsuccessful. Meanwhile the loud swearing attracted quite a crowd around Times Square to watch tonight's Broadway show, and people inside the restaurant joined us on the sidwalk to get a load of the night's show. Alex and I asked for regular "insider" updates from the waitress, Sarah, who instead just brought our chicken au jus and grilled halibut with a coy smile.

The guy was a bar patron; he was wearing expensive shoes, lots of bling (for an Arab/Indian guy), and a sports jacket. We wondered why the bouncers didn't call the cops; after all, Times Square has more cops than a donut shop and response should be quick. As I slowly finished my chicken au jus, a single cop sauntered onto the scene. Later a few others sidled up and attempted to cuff the guy, who lashed out and swatted at them, arguing that the cops "can't afford to even come here." As the cops sat on him, he started making dog-like noises (use your imagination). Finally the NYPD got fed up and nailed him with the pepper spray; Mr. Tough Guy started bawling like a little wuss. A half-hour after the brawl started, the guy was still laying on the sidewalk, yelling profanities, a crowd still gathered 'round to watch. We asked Sarah if it was proper to tip the performers. She said we could include that in the "tip" line of the credit card slip.

Posted by adrianjo at 08:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 03, 2005

Strange things that New Yorkers do

There are certain things that New Yorkers do that few people elsewhere do.

1) We call car limos ("car services") because they are cheaper than taxis and the drivers speak English. In fact, the Towncar and the subway have become my primary means of transportation. Towncars have miserable resale values (e.g. $12K for a 2000 model), so Harlem men buy them used from the car services and drive them around Harlem operating like taxis but charging less than "official" taxis who are subject to far more regulation. Surprisingly, the service of these "gypsy cabs" is generally far better than the regulated taxis.

2) They (not me) have their own accent. "I'll quowl yah lattah" = "I'll call you later." To hear a particularly surly version of this ugly and harsh accent, call customer service at Time Warner.

3) Every Saturday in summer, the city makes a mass exodus to the Hamptons, three little resort towns on the end of "Lon Gisland" where everyone seems to have a house. Getting there is best done by helicopter, car service, or the rare private car. Before moving here, I expected people to have "shore houses" (as in "Jersey shore") but Jersey seems to be regarded as home of the worst B&T. B&T = those who arrive by "bridge & tunnel" and therefore do not live in Manhattan or approved non-Manhattan areas like Greenwich.

4) They live in hotels. Paris Hilton grew up in the Waldorf=Astoria. The Plaza, among at least 6 other NY hotels, is being converted into condos. Alex lives in the W Times Square, where he has daily maid service and has accumulated a bag full of the W's Bliss skincare products.

In fact, I was in Alex's suite in the W earlier this week, where I noticed this wonderful 6-story billboard saying that "PETA Kills Animals." I wasn't sure if the nutcase lobbyists who bought the billboard were referring to "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals" or "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals," so I checked out the website.

Apparently the beef at PetaKillsAnimals.com is that PETA euthanizes unwanted pets. Be that as it may, the problem of unwanted pets is so massive that few no-kill shelters can survive. Who could fault PETA for having to kill some or even most of the furry critters for whom homes can't be found? Perhaps the loonies paying for that billboard would better spend their money on a billboard that says, "have your pet spayed or neutered." Bob Barker might even chip in. And they could take a collection at those annoying doggie spas that, I wish, were one of those things that only New Yorkers have.

Posted by adrianjo at 11:12 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 27, 2005

I want to be a millionaire

As part of my latest get-rich-quick scheme concocted because of by my annoyance at being a poor student, I'll be trying out for Who Wants to be a Millionaire? on June 6 at ABC's headquarters on the Upper West Side. You can sign-up here. It may be hard to get on the show (particularly for me), but I hope that the result will be at least a bit better than when I was 15 and tried out for Teen Jeopardy!. There, I discovered that knowing a bit more opera might be helpful in life.

In related news, there was another film crew in Harlem today, this one from Canterbury Productions filming a cafe scene at Settepani on 120th. A quick google of the company reveals that they're in the "adult entertainment" business.

Last week sombody was filming a music video in Marcus Garvey Park and were a bit annoyed when I carried my laundry on the sidewalk within view of the camera. (Hey, close the sidewalk if you don't want disturbances there.)

Back in Chicago I occasionally stumbled across the set of The Weather Man, forthcoming this fall. It was filmed along North Michigan Avenue, and Nicholas Cage appears to live in the "starting in the $1.1 millions" condos of 800 North Michigan, a block down the avenue from my former building. (Two-bedroom condos in that building have been listed for rent at $17,000/month.) In fact, the crew occasionally had the outside of the tony building decorated in fake snow. There area also scenes on Wacker Dr. outside the Sears Tower and Mancow Merchandise Mart, accoring to the trailer.

Posted by adrianjo at 03:57 PM | Comments (0)

April 29, 2005

An afternoon of mushrooms, fairies, and secret doors

While my friend was in town this week, we went down to New York's Chelsea neighborhood for a gallery crawl. (It started at a liquor store, but that's not relevant to discuss!) There were two artists that particularly impressed us.

The first is Barton Benes, who specializes in arranging small objects. HIV positive, Benes is known for a controversial exhibit featuring syringes filled with his blood. His "Petitisfours", currently avaialable, features HIV drugs arranged to look like the small French dessert.

Benes's "Souvenirs" (2003) was a particularly whimsical arrangement of several dozen countries' currency fashioned by papier-mâché into small objects typical of the country, each displayed in a cell on the wall. For example, Latvian Lats were fashioned into a red/orange mushroom (since mushrooms are very popular in Latvia), while Russian roubles became a vodka bottle. Some, like the Latvian mushroom, were more inventive than others, such as an Icelandic krona fashioned into a snowflake. Others made a political statement, such as US dollars turned into a cowboy hat. Although simple, the work provided us with several minutes of speculating why the artist chose particular shapes for particular countries.

The second artist was Dean Byington, who has his first one-man exhibit in NYC at Leslie Tonkonow gallery. Byington produces only 5-10 works a year, each large enough to fill a small wall. Upon first seeing a work like Blue Landscape or Signal, one might think, "boring, next gallery!" My friend had better eyes than me, and she quickly found an imaginary fairy-tale world depicted in the art. Hidden within lush forest landscapes are secret doors, lanterns, mushrooms, signposts, pits that look like bees' eyes, and a parade of small imaginary insects walking upright. We spent several minutes picking out the imaginative but tiny fairy-tale characters in each wall-sized artwork trying to determine the story told in the details. When we visited, Signal was available at $14,000, which means I won't soon be buying it to grace my future daughter's bedroom. Perhaps Byington could produce a few smaller versions? I'll be first in line to buy. (UPDATE: No, mom, nobody is pregnant by me.)

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April 22, 2005

At Ruby Yacht Falls, by Omar Khayyam

I finally downloaded the pictures from last Saturday's party at Ruby Falls, a ghetto-sounding name for a cool place. I love the ridiculous review of the place from Citysearch: "the cool kids from high school have merely moved their parties to a more grown-up venue." As much as people think of NYC clubs as being like high school, they are nothing of the sort. Unlike getting into the popular crowd in HS, one can get into almost any club in NYC by turning up early and dressing well. This was a big surprise to me; I expected that bouncers were generally far bigger assholes than any bouncer I've ever encountered. The people who moan about clubs being too exclusive are the hoardes who turn up at 1AM when the club has reached maximum legal occupancy and then complain that the bouncers keep out their 10-man sausage-fest.

Here are three pictures, the first of which is me with one of Ale's Italian friends. I hestitate to post it, because keen readers will notice that I'm wearing the same outfit from wine tasting in Sonoma. But decent clothes are not free and it makes sense to get a few wearings before the trend moves on.

Here is a good way to look cool: have your picture taken with hot bar staff. I wish I had thought of it. The giveaway that she's bar staff? His hand barely touches her shoulder.

If a guy really wanted to look cool, he'd come take a picture with our Hong Kong twins. I wish I had thought of it!

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April 17, 2005

That line at Whole Foods pays dividends

I wrote earlier this week about the 15-min check-out lines at the local grocery store, the Columbus Circle Whole Foods. Today those long lines finally paid off. As my order was being scanned, a 20-something blonde with un-organic bright orange skin appeared with a little $6 bag of all-natural organic oatmeal cookies:

Blonde:I'm in a big hurry; I'll give you this $10 if you'll pay for these cookies with your order. [cookies are scanned] See, $5.99!
Me: Um, yeah, you want change? [pulls out wallet]
Blonde: No, you just made $4. Bye.

I also got 46 more cents to write-off from my taxes next year. I've decided to itemize since I'll have lots of educational expenses and charitable deductions. Starting in 2005, one can also write-off state sales taxes or income tax, whichever is less. They figure your sales tax paid based on your income, unless you keep track yourself. Since I'll have little income but lots of spending, I will have to keep a record of all sales taxes I pay if I want to write-off that amount. To borrow from Warren Buffet: if you can eliminate the Federal government as a 35% partner in your financial life, do it. Meanwhile, I'm thinking of starting a line-waiting service for rich New Yorkers at Whole Foods.

Posted by adrianjo at 08:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Rats in the belfry, the subway, and on the sidewalk

New York City has at least one rat per person, perhaps even 12 rats per person. After a few days in New York, one will see some rats. As Letterman notes:

Letterman: How many rats do you believe are in New York City now?
Sullivan: They say it's 8 million -- one per person. Don't believe them.
Letterman: Well, that seems fair don't you think? Everybody gets a rat.
Sullivan: It's not true. It's not true. 1949, Dave Davis from Baltimore comes. Traps. Disproves the one-rat-per-person theory. Shows that there are 256,000 rats in the city at that time.
Letterman: Aw, so we can sleep a little easier. There's only a quarter million rats.
Sullivan: Right.

The rats so far haven't bothered me. In fact, they come out and forage at the subway stops, going about their daily life crawling through the litter that covers the trackbeds of most subway stops. Sometimes they find some bread to take to their lair. They particularly amuse the tourists at the Times Square stop. There is a particular rat that lives about 60 feet south of the turnstile on the downtown 125th 2/3 stop; I see him a lot when I take the train downtown. Some workers sprayed rodenticide two days ago, but I saw the rat again today, so apparently the rodenticide has yet to work.

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April 13, 2005

The food, the Whole Foods, and nothing but the food

Gothamist has reviewed the new Whole Foods in Union Square. I've been a Whole Foods fan since I lived a few hundred feet above a Whole Foods in Chicago. Now I have to trapsie 66 blocks down to the building that houses Time Warner's headquarters, where Whole Foods has one of its largest stores worldwide. Still, it's worth it, as Forbes describes the store:

At New York's posh Time Warner Center the new Whole Foods is a 59,000-square-foot temple to culinary obsession. The prepped-foods section is laid out like a pungent open-air bazaar. Along the walls are: a full sushi bar; an open brick oven where chefs make fresh pizza at $7 a pound; a "comfort food station" that serves beef stew and tuna noodle casserole; a pasta area offering mushroom goat cheese lasagna and eggplant rollatini; and a deli that sells 850 sandwiches a day. Every week the Indian foods hot bar sells two tons of vegetable korma, aloo mattar and the like at $7 a pound.

It's great business. Retail rents in the Time Warner Center reportedly go as high as $450 per square foot, or $27 million a year if applied to Whole Foods' space. ... The company won't disclose the specific rent, or the store's total sales, but says sales more than cover expenses, even without jacking up prices beyond those charged outside of the city.

I got some gentle ribbing for contrasting the Chicago Gold Coast Whole Foods with the Midtown New York Whole Foods. So what I can say is this: Whole Foods is a great place to find an exaggerated stereotype of the people who live in a particular area. Chicago's Gold Coast skewed towards old rich people, plus midwestern naturalists and the moneyed hippies who came for the organic stuff that is at Whole Foods' roots. Occasionally the hot young 20-something could be found, but people-watching was not a reason to go regularly.

The Midtown New York Whole Foods is very Midtown New York: a mix of young businessmen, harried UES mothers, and model-gorgeous/rail-thin UWS girls trying to stay that way. The food is nice--Whole Foods allows me to make substantial cuts in my intake of sodium, fats, preservatives, and pesticides--but the most interesting aspect of Whole Foods is the people-watching. Whole Foods is one of the few places I go during the day in NYC where women outnumber men. While a woman typically checks out a man starting with his clothes and then makes eye contact, the check-out at Whole Foods starts with one's basket. I find myself doing it, too. I get a lot more looks when I put some fresh broccoli in there, but TV dinners (even organic ones) are a turn-off, so they have to be hidden. Verily, it is quite impressive that a woman's first screen would be a man's food choice. Maybe they should start listing food choices on those dating websites? Like this: "find me someone who likes organic califlower and arugula but not cabbage."

Speaking of check-outs, how about the checkout counter? The line is typically 15 minutes or longer, even with every register open... and this is a bit too New York for me.

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March 22, 2005

Cruelty on parade

In my travels, I've seen some pretty sickening animal abuse, which I won't discuss here. Sometimes, though, it's not necessary to travel far:

In a quirky NYC tradition, the elephants walk through the Midtown tunnel on the east side and across 34th St to Madison Sq Garden since their holding containers cannot fit through the train tunnels or pass over the bridges.

There's nothing quirky about it. Ringing has long marched the elephants through town; it's a marketing gimmick designed to earn them free media, and it's done in every city they attend. This is done even though elephants' are tropical animals who are exposed to dangerous cold.

Of Ringing's 60 elephants, 44 were captured in the wild. What a cruel fate for these captured animals. Ringing has a long history of animal abuse and running afoul of various animal welfare laws.

It's also a ridiculous claim that an elephant's container can't fit into Manhattan. Many modular components of highrises that arrive pre-assembled (including I-beams, elevator lifts, chillers) are far larger than an elephant container and still make it in. If something can't make it into Manhattan, it can't make it onto any road that has standard-height bridges or onto any standard-gauge train.

Of course, there are many circuses that do not use (or abuse) animals, such as Cirque de Soleil. It would be nice to think that in our society we wouldn't need to abuse animals to be entertained.

It's bad enough that circuses have a miserable record of cruelty to animals. It's even worse that they lie about their marketing gimmicks.

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March 21, 2005

Always keeping a stiff upper lip

Neiman needs a store in New York City. After my NM wallet was stolen in Peru (see entries below), I went to buy one online, only to be confronted with both sales tax and a $15 shipping charge. I know I'm not a typical free-spending NM shopper, but $15 is too much Needless Markup. So I had an "online chat" with a Neiman rep to see if I could get it at Bergdorf Goodman, a Manhattan store frequented by folks like Paris Hilton:

Elliot Schelske: Thank you for contacting Neiman Marcus Online. How may I help you?
Adrian: could you tell me if item NMOS5_M4670 is available at Bergdorf in NYC?
Elliot Schelske: Unfortunately, we do not have an inventory of the Bergdorf Goodman stores. The only way to be sure if they have this item would be to call.
Adrian: do you know what is the closest NM to manhattan?
Elliot Schelske: The closest NM store to Manhattan is probably the White Plains/Westchester store.
Adrian: thanks, i'll try to make it over there
Adrian: by the way, you need a store in manhattan. i was shocked when i moved here and you don't have a store
Elliot Schelske: Was there anything else I could help you with?

I guess that this is Neiman's stiff-upper-lip way of saying, "screw you."

UPDATE: Bergdorf does carry this wallet, with a polished rather than matte finish. After Neiman has owned Bergdorf for 17 years, one would think they could at least integrate the inventory systems.

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March 20, 2005

Russian tanks rolling down Flatbush Avenue

The New York Times does its best to put a brave face on the poor turnout at local anti-war rallies yesterday. Some 350 people--loony even by liberal New York standards--turned out in Times Square, and a few more rallied in Harlem and marched down Malcolm X Ave banging bongo drums. Some managed to get arrested outside military recruitment centers. The news showed a nearly-empty sheep meadow in Central Park with a reporter desperately trying to make a story out of nothng.

Above, a small group rallies in Harlem outside Bill Clinton's office (a fact not noted by the Times.)

In Algoma, Wisc., a total of 8 people turned out for a rally, with similar sprinklings of rallies around the country. They'd do something similar even as Russian tanks rolled down Flatbush Avenue. If the MSM and Chuck Rangel were right that the war has been a "quagmire," "debacle," or whatever, one might think that more than a handful of crazy New Yorkers would turn out to say, "see, I told ya so."

But they didn't tell us so. The success of democractic reform in the Middle East--in Lebanon, Egypt, Libya, Turkey, Jordan, Qatar, and (of course) Iraq--is hard for even a loony New Yorker to deny. And Americans know that war can be messy; Reconstruction, for example, was a two-decade hash that makes Iraq look like a kerfuffle. But the Civil War and Reconstruction were worth the effort to free a people, and the Iraq war is a small price to pay for freedom in the Middle East.

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March 18, 2005

Spread this crack

Crude closed at a new high today, and it was quite an event to watch. Serg (aka Monte Christo) arranged a visit to the New York Mercantile Exchange, the trading pit where the worldwide benchmark price of a barrel of oil is set. The crude pit consists of perhaps 100 traders standing on risers around a circular pit, all shouting their orders or using hand signals to arrange trades with each other. The center of the pit has a circular hole about 6' in diamater, in which sits a fellow wearing protective goggles. Within a minute of each trade (each of which may be for millions of dollars of oil), the traders throw a trade card directly at the guy with the goggles, who then records the transaction so that funds can be settled. In the last two minutes, the market explodes with traders desperately trying to close positions--each may have hundreds of thousands dollars of oil contracts to buy or sell in two minutes. A scuffle even broke out--the exchange actually fines $5000 whenever traders engage in fistfights. But hey, when you've just lost $100K on a trade, what's another $5K for clocking the clerk who caused you to lose $100K?

Once trading closed and crude had firmly settled into a new record high, we proceeded to a training room where we were instructed in the ways of open outcry trading. We were given badges (I was "XAP") and orders to execute. Orders in hand, we went to the natural gas trading pit, where the market "opened" at 5450 and we began screaming buy and sell orders at each other, using hand guestures to arrange trades, desperately trying to buy or unload contracts. Some of the experienced traders joined us, such as FTGY (short for "Fat Guy") and GRZ, a 21-year veteran nicknamed "Grizzly" who started as a clerk at age 19 and worked his way up to owning his own trading firm and perhaps making seven figures. (There are legends of high-school dropouts who come to the exchange and make $50M in a year, then disappear.) I learned that I'm probably just an OK trader... I managed to make $25 when I saw lots of buy orders flood the market and bought ahead of the orders. However, I was tentative in confirming orders, and this once led to my selling FTGY 15 contracts when I only had 5 to sell. (It's possible to sell what you don't have, as long as you buy what you sold by the end of the day.)

Other interesting facts:

• One of the NYMEX's more interesting products is the "crack spread." When a barrel of oil is refined (or "cracked"), it separates into components like kerosene, gasoline, heating oil, and asphalt. Thus, the crack spread is the difference in price between a barrel of gasoline and a barrel of heating oil. Naturally, the crack spread desk lies between the heating oil ring and the gasoline ring.
• A trader might employ four clerks to take orders from customers, with a really good clerk making six figures and a bad clerk costing the trader $100K plus if a mistake is made. After the cost of his seat (currently around $18,000/month), the clerks are the largest expense, followed by the phone bill (perhaps $5,000/month for a busy trader). There are typically 5 to 10 color coded phone lines, each of which streches to the pit.
• Word on the floor is that crude may hit $100/bbl. With OPEC producing within 1M bbls of its 31M bbl/day capacity, refineries operating at capacity, and demand continuing to soar, there is nowhere for prices to go but up.
• The commercial for Wendys' fruit-and-yogurt product is stupid. The traders who rush into the restaurant are giving signals to sell, not buy.

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March 14, 2005

I don't want the Bill for these Gates

Here are two pictures from the Gates exhibition in Central Park, taken at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's terrace. The timing of the Gates project was particularly opportune, as the February/March snow covered Central Park's usual ugly winter mud and brown grass.

This is me with Misty from Sonoma County and Kate from Teachers' College at Columbia.

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March 02, 2005

Funnies on CNBC

CNBC (called by a former girlfriend, "that stupid stock channel you watch") sometimes does something funny. When Martha Stewart went to jail, they found Lizzie Grubman at a soiree and asked her for advice for Martha. Lizzie wasn't terribly interested.

Today they showed a 24-lb lobster pulled off the coast of Maine with the note that "PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wanted the animal left alone, whereas PETA (People for the Eating of Tasty Animals) had a different opinion."

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January 23, 2005

What a Metro says about a city

The New York Metro is among the world's oldest undergrounds (I think London, Paris, and Istanbul beat it). A city's metro is often reflective of the city itself. Consider the spotless Scandinavian metros like in Copehagen or Oslo--one can barely feel them start or stop, but they are expensive and infrequent. The Singapore subway indicates to pax exactly where to stand for "smoother alighting and faster boarding." The people stand in perfect lines inside the subway. The Paris Metropolitain's art deco signage is almost as much a symbol of the city as the Tour Eiffel.

In New York, the subway is fast, crowded, scratchitti-scarred, often smelly, a bit confusing, and very frequent. It starts and stops quickly, often throwing passengers who don't have perfect balance. Yes, just like the city itself.

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January 16, 2005

I may get chirrosis, but no way lung cancer

I have been in New York City now two weeks, and I have been out every night except two. 12 nights of 14 is certainly a record. It is quite enjoyable that New York's smoking ban means that I can go out and return healthy and with clothes that don't reek of burned tobacco bits. It seems that among the clubgoers, most support the ban. For one, it's a bit of a relief from the peer pressure when smoking is illegal.

It's now 2AM and there is a big helicopter with a spotlight circling around over Harlem... probably somethin' goin' down. Meanwhile, I just got back from 203, a bar down on Spring Street in the Village. 203 is a bar with no sign, no name, and big curtains drawn over the window. It's part of a current trend among bars to disguise themselves so that only "people in the know" even know that the place is a bar. Actually, the velvet ropes and bouncers kinda give the place away. It was somewhat gratifying to step outside and hear a hot blonde pleading with the bouncer to be let in. New Yorkers don't go out until midnight or later, so if you turn up at 9pm you can enjoy "exclusive" clubs sans bouncers, sans crowds, sans begging.

UPDATE: The helicopter circling around at 2AM was because of a shooting some dozen blocks away.

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January 08, 2005

Is this New York or Seattle?

So far since I've moved to New York City 5 days ago, it has rained every single day. It's raining now, which is really putting a crimp in the black market sales of Fat Albert DVDs along Martin Luther King Drive. Thank goodness it's not necessary to go all the way to Canal Street to find copies of movies still showing in the cinema.

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