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September 17, 2005
Parental Discretion is Advised
We held an end-of-summer dinner last night. Among the festivities were an open bar and a series of superlatives. In fact, everyone got one. I won't say which is mine. And I thought that they'd be stuff like "best dressed." No, this list is X-rated:
- Most Likely to Lose His Virginity at the Graduation Party
- Most Likely to Be Accused of Sexual Harassment … by a Guy
- Most Likely to Stand Up after this award and ask "Wait, can you just explain that one more time?"
- Most Likely to Have to Report his Whereabouts to the Authorities at All Times
- Most likely to go home with whatever friend Kerry brought to this dinner.
- Most likely to appear in XX's dreams wearing nothing but a leather belt and pair of stillettos. Also, least likely to appear in reality in XX's house wearing only a leather belt and a pair of stillettos.
- Most Likely to Run a Turkish Prison the way it's supposed to fucking be run, assholes.
- Most Likely to be Strip Searched at the Airport… and Enjoy It
- Most Likely to know more strippers than you'd think he would
- Most Likely to have a Venerial Disease Named After Him
- Most Likely to Study While Receiving Oral Sex
- Most Likely to have said about him "He was quiet and kept to himself. He seemed like a nice guy. This comes as a real surprise."
- Most Likely to Smile and Laugh No Matter What Award We Give Her
- Most Likely to have to enter the Witness Protection Program
- Most Likely to Not Be Here to Receive this Award
- Most Likely to Barf on Junichiro Koizumi's shoes
- Most likely to send for a mail-order husband…and then return him once he's been broken
- Most likely to figure out a cure for cancer and then accidentally throw it out with a couple of pizza boxes, a half-smoked joint and three empty bottles of wine.
- Most likely to one day enforce her iron will through a shadowy network of sexy communist spies.
- Most likely to have her underwear stolen from the employees' locker room.
- (For the British guy) Most likely to yell "Good gosh, that's a naughty bit of crumpet" during sex…with himself
Posted by adrianjo at September 17, 2005 02:33 PM