Transatlantic Zeppelin

3. Lillehammer, Norway. “Put a damper on your farts.”





4. Moscow, Russia. “Please do not allow your car to fart.”









5. Stockholm, Sweden. “You fart.” (Swedish for “Exit”)

Signs telling people to do or not to do certain activities are common. Generally they are written in English and then the local language. Others are English-only, like the “do not sit here” sign in Paris’s Centre Pompidou. The best English-only sign is this one:

6. London, UK. “Stupid tourist, if you haven’t noticed, we drive on the ‘wrong’ side of the road here.”









7. Paris, France. “Do not drive your car into the Seine.”









8. St Petersburg, Russia (at Peter & Paul Fortress) . “Do not walk off the castle parapets.”





9. Lokrum Island, Croatia. “Come frolic, fat 50-year-old dudes.”





10. Beijing, China. “Chinese New Year celebrations prohibited here.”





11. Singapore. This one takes the cake for ridiculous signs directing people to do or not do something. It demands that people wait on certain parts of the subway platform for “smoother boarding and faster alighting.”





12. Sarajevo, Bosnia. This is my worldwide favorite for things not to do. Posted on the grounds of a mosque, it demands no flirting, no smoking, no mobile phones, no hunting, no dogs, no bicycles, no attractive women, no eating big sloppy sandwiches, and no making-out. Apparently some people think that mosques are good make-out places.

Then there are the street signs.

13. Luang Prabang, Lao Peoples’ Democratic Republic. The stop sign has become pretty universal, though in some countries it seems to be more a decoration than a road rule.





14. Cancun, Mexico. Mexican stop signs reading “alto” can also be translated to “short.” This “short” sign even includes an arrow pointing at David, who isn’t known for his height.





15. Vilnaus, Lithuania. A break-away artists’ republic has established their own rules within the Lithuanian capital. “Be happy, drive slow, admire our art, and don’t drive your car into the Seine.”





16. Brussels, Belgium. Brussels’s street names can be long and unwieldy. Try giving this street name to a cabbie. The languages are French (top) and Flemish.

Advertisements can produce some memorable signs

17. Lillehammer, Norway. This 1920s-era sign for Buchanan Whisky advertises whisky “For Automobile Drivers.”

    
    

    

18. Moscow, Russia. If this “Crapdogs” stand were open, I could tell you how a Crapdog tastes.





19. Aachen, Germany. If crapdogs aren’t your thing, there’s always Weinerland.





20. Mostar, Hercegovina. Rooms are available in this hotel a few blocks from the Yugoslav Civil War’s front line, but a roof costs extra.





21. St. Petersburg, Russia. Eastern Europe is full of signs that advertise opening hours till “Last Guest,” especially at strip clubs and places of ill-repute. This sign is noteworthy because it notes opening at the ultra-specific time of “midday.”

Other signs are so devilish that they defy classification

22. The Vatican. The Vatican’s museum includes this evil audioguide entry. The associated painting is of amateur astronomers a little while after Galileo.





23. Warsaw, Poland. Warsaw’s coat-of-arms features this bare-breasted mermaid bearing a shield and sword. And we make fun of Polanders?