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May 30, 2005

Paris to marry Paris

Nobody believed me when I said that Paris Hilton wants to become a housewife, but today there is a bit of confirmation from People Magazine, which says that Paris's publicist confirms that the hotel heirhead will marry Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis. We'll see if the marriage lasts any longer than Nikki's marriage to a NYC money manager.

Posted by adrianjo at 10:01 PM | Comments (0)

At least she escaped the firing squad

Whenever one travels overseas, there is a danger, however remote, that he will end up in a strange and unfamiliar jail accused of a very serious crime he did not commit. He will face a corrupt and harsh kangaroo court and be sentenced to an outrageous jail term in a dreadful third-world prison. This is what happened to Australian holiday-maker Schapelle Corby in Indonesia.

If you haven't been following Schapelle's case, here's what likely happened. The 27-year-old Gold Coast beauty school student boarded a plane from Brisbane to Bali and checked-in her surfboard in a bag. A Qantas gateworker or someone in a similar position, part of a drug smuggling ring that is now coming to light, stuffed 9 lbs of pot into her bag before it was loaded on the plane. A confederate with access to the bag in Indonesia would then be alerted to remove the stash before returning the bag on the baggage carousel. But the weed was not removed and Schapelle was caught at customs. After a jury-less trial where her amateur lawyer broke down in tears, Schapelle got 20 years in a notorious hoosegow. But it could have been anyone's bag; Shapelle just got very unlucky.

A lot of things went wrong in Shapelle's ordeal, most notably the jury-less Indonesian court system and the fact that Qantas and the Australian government were apparently unaware of a smuggling ring operating in Brisbane airport. Key evidence also went missing, including x-ray and weight records of Schapelle's bag in Brisbane. Indonesian authorities never took fingerprints from the bag of cannibas, which could then be compared to fingerprints of baggage handlers and Schapelle. And the Australian government apparently offered little help until it was too late. (Austrlian PM John Howard made the wonderfully Kerry-like statement that "we have to accept the justice systems of other countries"--as if an injustice is acceptable because it is perpetrated by other countries.)

Schapelle's case illustrates three key points.

1) Connections matter. Australian media accounts say that Schapelle's family was rather economically disadvantaged and dysfunctional. Had she been a friend of powerful people in Australia and Indonesia, she would have had a much better chance of being let-off or at least being able to pay the right bribe to get out of the country. It's true in the States, too, though I can't write about it in public. With better connections, Schapelle could have engaged competent counsel earlier in the process. I wrote about how Terry Schaivo's fate was sealed very early because the Schindlers did not know what they were up against. Ditto Schapelle. One wonders how the mastermind of the Bali nightclub bombing, which killed 60, got off with 2.5 years while innocent Schapelle got 20 years in the slammer. Political, social, and economic connections matter.

2) Too much tourism is bad. I often rail about places like Budapest and Rome as being "over-touristed." Schapelle's case illustrates one reason I dislike places with too many tourists. Media accounts claim that Indonesians are quite happy with the injustice, as they have seen a generation of young people destroyed by drugs introduced by tourists. It is easy to accept more and more tourists without providing the right social, economic, and judicial infrastructure to accomodate them and battle the negative influence of tourists on a country. Now the economy has become dependent on tourists but is incapable of dealing with their effects on society without harming the very industry the economy depends on. (Australians are organizing mass boycotts of Indonesia.) Indonesia will lose tourist revenue while Australians are upset. Too much tourism has created a lose-lose situation for both sides.

3) Bribery is tricky. The Sydney Morning Herald reports that A$250,000 (~USD 175,000), paid to a prosecutor, is enough to secure an early release in Indonesia. When Peruvian police demanded a bribe to issue a report when I was a victim of a pickpocket, I thought about doing it. But one bribe makes it more and more difficult for the next person, who might not be able to pay-off a cop like an American could. When we were in Russia and paid $200 to buy-off the guards at a tourist site, did we only make a bad system worse? Should we be happy that Schapelle refused to pony up the dough?

I love my friends from Indonesia, but I'll have to get to 100 countries without visiting there. I've been following the case not because Schapelle is an attractive young damsel in distress but because what happened to her could happen to me or any of my friends who travel frequently overseas. Any one of us could be Schapelle. That's why she has kept me up at night.

Posted by adrianjo at 11:37 AM | Comments (0)

May 29, 2005

C'est non!

Guess those jungle tribes didn't make the difference after all.

Posted by adrianjo at 07:11 PM | Comments (0)

May 27, 2005

Bruxelles' chicken-and-egg game

Amid reports that Jacques Chirac is counting on illiterate jungle tribesmen in South America to swing France into the "yes" column in Sunday's referendum on the European Constitution, pundits are already wondering the future of Europe's grand experiment. I think the European project is destined to progress if only because of its inertia and even if France causes the 300-page constitution to be scrapped. The document is so objectionable that both French Socialists and I agree that it should be scrapped. We disagree on why: the French left would prefer to see stronger social protections for workers, while I don't think that economic policy belongs in a constitution. The American constitution is perhaps the best ever written (having only been amended 28 times in 225 years), and its terse articles are is entirely silent on economic issues except for four items that empower Congress:

The American constitutional convention was more concerned with debating what fraction of a person each slave counted as than dictating how an economy should be run; the Europeans should be so fortunate. Compare the US Constitution's four mentions of economic issues to the lengthy Part III, Chapter III, Section 2, Article III, Paragraph 209 et seq of the EU Constitution, which establishes no fewer than five committees and discusses such things as "the combating of social exclusion", "developing exchanges of information and best practices," promoting "the consultation of management and labour at Union level," and (my personal favorite) promoting "hygeine." Is it any wonder that the left distrusts the constitution and the right thinks it enshrines the stifling economic policies that have stagnated Europe?


A cloudy day at EU headquarters in Bruxelles

While overpaid EU bureaucrats in Bruxelles debate social exclusion and hygeine, the economies of member states continue to suffer, as Times columnist Anatole Kaletsky points out:

The people of France, Germany, Italy and the Netherlands may be angry about globalisation or ultra-liberalism or immigration, but this reflects a deeper malaise. Their living standards are falling, their pensions are in danger, their children are jobless and their national pride is turning into embarrassment and even shame. In sum, they feel that their countries, which numbered among the world’s richest and most powerful nations as recently as the middle of the last decade, have gone to the dogs under the leadership of the present generation of politicians. And, at least in the economic sense, they are absolutely right.

The relative economic decline of “old” Europe since the early 1990s — especially of Germany and Italy, but also of the Netherlands and France — has been a disaster almost unparalleled in modern history. While Britain and Japan certainly suffered some massive economic dislocations, in the early 1980s and the mid-1990s respectively, they never experienced the same sort of permanent transformation from thriving full-employment economies to stagnant societies where mass unemployment and falling living standards are accepted as permanent facts of life.

Kaletsky goes on to blame the European Central Bank for Europe's malaise because the ECB didn't follow the American prescription for economic stagnation:

European policymakers could kick-start growth and break the spiral of economic and political pessimism by doing exactly what America did in similar circumstances in 2001. They could reduce interest rates drastically and devalue their currency. As in Japan, interest rates could be reduced all the way to zero and the euro could be pushed down through intervention in currency markets. Such an aggressive policy of monetary stimulation could be guaranteed to revive economic growth, whether or not voters could be persuaded to endorse the labour market and pension reforms that Europe certainly needs in the long run but which can actually aggravate economic stagnation in the short term, as Herr Schröder has learnt [after losing North-Rhine-Westphalia elections].

How easily our European friends like Kaletsky forget that US monetary policy was only half the way President Bush lifted America out of the recession that started in Clinton's final month. Cutting taxes and reducing regulation played a substantial role in economic stimulation and in expanding money supply. In Europe, Ireland went from backwater to economic dynamo by keeping taxes low and resisting the Sirens of social protectionism and economic interventionalism. European leaders are caught in a chicken-egg game: the economic "protections" the EU constitution promises are depressing the economies where such protections originated and causing the rash of worker discontent that will derail the grand experiment. Although Kaletsky points out that some of the current pain is due to reforms introduced so far, Europe's economic stagnation is primarily due to the ultra-liberal principles enshrined in its not-to-be Constitution

Posted by adrianjo at 04:27 PM | Comments (0)

I want to be a millionaire

As part of my latest get-rich-quick scheme concocted because of by my annoyance at being a poor student, I'll be trying out for Who Wants to be a Millionaire? on June 6 at ABC's headquarters on the Upper West Side. You can sign-up here. It may be hard to get on the show (particularly for me), but I hope that the result will be at least a bit better than when I was 15 and tried out for Teen Jeopardy!. There, I discovered that knowing a bit more opera might be helpful in life.

In related news, there was another film crew in Harlem today, this one from Canterbury Productions filming a cafe scene at Settepani on 120th. A quick google of the company reveals that they're in the "adult entertainment" business.

Last week sombody was filming a music video in Marcus Garvey Park and were a bit annoyed when I carried my laundry on the sidewalk within view of the camera. (Hey, close the sidewalk if you don't want disturbances there.)

Back in Chicago I occasionally stumbled across the set of The Weather Man, forthcoming this fall. It was filmed along North Michigan Avenue, and Nicholas Cage appears to live in the "starting in the $1.1 millions" condos of 800 North Michigan, a block down the avenue from my former building. (Two-bedroom condos in that building have been listed for rent at $17,000/month.) In fact, the crew occasionally had the outside of the tony building decorated in fake snow. There area also scenes on Wacker Dr. outside the Sears Tower and Mancow Merchandise Mart, accoring to the trailer.

Posted by adrianjo at 03:57 PM | Comments (0)

May 25, 2005

Cheeseburger Challenge - Official Results

A group of 30 MBA students descended on the McDonald's on Broadway at Martin Luther King Drive in Manhattan at 3.30PM today, where we placed an order for some 60 hamburgers and cheeseburgers. Cries of "no way that order's right" were heard from astonished kitchen workers. Seven brave members of our number offered to consume the warm sandwiches in a half-hour contest of speed (rules here), with the winner receiving a pot of $20.78. Here are the official results:

Well, the wrappers have been counted, the burger flippers have been paid their overtime, the Pepto-Bismol bottles have been drained and across New York the challengers are awaking from their beefy naps. The results are in from the Cluster Y Inaugural Cheeseburger Challenge. Here are the final standings:
1. Dave “The KFC Kid” Farrar - 12
2. Nathan “I’m gonna eat you” Zhou - 11
3 = Chris “Respectable Tally” McNally - 8
3 = “Muhammad Ale”ssandro Santo - 8
3 = Rob “British Beef” Bush - 8
6. Maury “El Gaucho” Pages - 7
7. Casey “The Black Widow” Dove - 6

The burgers arrive!

Match Report

Steady and professional throughout, “The KFC Kid” gave a virtuoso display of cheeseburger chomping. Any young kids out there hoping to eat for their colleges or states would do well to study the composure and dedication that this giant of binge eating brings to the veneer and vinyl tables of the country’s fast food outlets. It was a true pleasure to dine across from him and he richly deserved his $20 bounty (and bonus prize to follow soon). He managed an extraordinary, Olympian, health threatening, insurance policy invalidating 12 burgers! Matching him, for a time, burger for burger was the other pre-tournament favorite “I’m gonna eat you”. Striking terror into the already indigestion riddled chests of his opponents he sat down with an intimidating three bottles of water and a look of pure hunger. Despite a desperate attempt at the almost unheard of triple burger (steam-rollered paper thin by Nordeman’s trusty behind), “I’m gonna eat you” could not get it down in time and was counted out on a Technical Spit Out to finish on 11.


Muhammad Ale and The KFC Kid get rolling

Joint third on 8 were “Respectable Tally” (a proponent of the slow and steady school and one to watch in the future), “British Beef” (whose elaborate costumery was to again prove his downfall) and “Muhammad Ale”. In classic Ale style, this highly touted chomp champ tried to scare his opponents with photos of his colossal breakfasts and indiscrete peaks of his well-rounded tummy (proud testament to his years on the pro circuit). He even showboated throughout the tournament like a Harlem Burger Trotter, chatting with fans, throwing down mid-meal McNuggets and ordering exotic sauces to burnish his burgers. Despite his confident assurance to eager fans that he would finish his own attempt at the arse-trampled triple that Nordeman put his way with minutes to spare, it was not to be and he could manage just 8.


I hope you don't mind my posting this picture


In last place in the Men’s event, “El Gaucho” never looked comfortable competing outside the choice cuts of his homeland. Picking at his food like a fussy child he managed just 7 burgers, a far cry from his now ludicrous assertion that he would manage at least 20. Kids’ Meal anyone? And last, but by no means least, the runaway winner of the Women’s Event, “The Black Widow” (dressed in her trademark black eating outfit) proving that you can still stay trim even as a professional burger banisher and elegantly chewing her way through 6, she even had the good grace not to devour any of her fellow competitors (another bonus prize on the way).


The competitors, spectators, and referee gather for a celebratory photo

By my reckoning, this was a total of an even 60 hot sandwiches. According to McDonald’s nutritional advice (surely an oxymoron) this is an incredible 18,600 calories, 630g of fat and 2100mg of cholesterol (around 8 days worth of the recommended max). An incredible achievement and something of which we can all be truly proud…

UPDATE: Transatlantic Zeppelin has obtained a statement from the winner:

I would like to give thanks and praise to God, because without him this monumental championship would not have been possible, obviously he shines his favor on me and his dislike and scorn upon all whom I conquered today.

Graciously and humbly yours,

The Champ

PS. I want to die...

Posted by adrianjo at 09:24 PM | Comments (0)

Oh no! Paris porn is on TV!

One has to be continually amazed by Paris Hilton's ability to generate publicity from the most ridiculous stunts. The Carls Jr ads that I bemoaned recently are now running, and there is a set of videos available on a website called SpicyParis.com. I've never associated spice with Paris--the actress or the city--which only adds to the weirdness of the campaign. Perhaps the strangest part of the website is Paris describing the burger and why it's hot: "there's like these fried jalepenos on it, and it's really like juicy and tasty." My guess is that except her brief stint at Sonic, Paris has never touched a burger of this sort before being paid to do this commercial. I doubt she's even done the $120 foie-gras and truffles burger at Chef Daniel's db Bistro Moderne, even though she lives a few blocks away.

In the realm of the more predictable, one of the loser-nanny pressure groups, this one called the "Parents Television Council," has decided that the add is just too "titillating":

"This commercial is basically soft-core pr0n," said Melissa Caldwell, research director for the PTC. "The way she moves, the way she puts her finger in her mouth -- it's very suggestive and very titillating."

If this group of self-appointed TV cops objects to pretty girls on TV, perhaps they should choose words other than "titillating." Fortunately Carls Jr's CEO put the smackdown on PTC:

Carl's Jr.'s message to the PTC: The group needs to "get a life," said Andy Puzder, CEO of Carl's Jr.

Puzder added that Paris "was very business-like." So are most people when doing something ridiculous just for the money.

Posted by adrianjo at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)

May 23, 2005

Complaints from the fox that killed the hens

I still read my hometown newspaper, the Gary (Ind.) Post-Tribune. Among the more brilliant letters to the editor is this one from a Valparaiso woman today:

Please explain to me why our government lets corporations file bankruptcy, taking away 25 percent of the workers’ savings while allowing the CEOs to collect record salaries and bonuses.

United Airlines paid its CEO a bonus of $366,000 last year while seeking salary and benefit concessions from the workers. CEO Glenn Tilton’s salary and bonuses were more than $1.1 million in 2004.

...

If a company is failing, the bosses who make all the crucial decisions should be fired, and all their bonuses and the majority of their salaries should have to be refunded.

The American workers should not have to pay, with their retirement, salaries, benefits and their jobs, because of the stupidity of management.

There should be laws passed to prevent things like this from happening.

The letter-writer conveniently forgets (or doesn't care) that United Airlines (UAL) entered bankruptcy court as an employee-owned corporation. After its last restructuring in the early 1990s, UAL was bought out by its employees in one of the world's greatest experiments in letting foxes into the henhouse. UAL's trade unions promptly milked the firm for all they could get and now complain that the firm was left so cash-starved that they cannot pay the union's generous pensions. What goes around comes around.

UPDATE: Holman Jenkins of the WSJ has a good column on this topic today (5/25):

Be mindful of how these vapor benefits came into being. Until bankruptcy wiped out its vaunted experiment in worker empowerment, United was 55% owned by its employees and virtually dominated by the pilots union and machinists union.

From 1994 on, they controlled two seats on the board, held sway over a majority of others, and effectively hired and fired the CEO. To boot, labor didn't hesitate to reinforce its clout by threatening strikes and engaging in illegal work slowdowns -- a process that eventually led to the highest wages in the industry. As Rick Dubinsky, head of the pilots union, told management in 2000: "We don't want to kill the golden goose. We just want to choke it by the neck until it gives us every last egg."

Well, the goose is on government life-support now. But labor could always have used its clout to steer more eggs to the pension basket rather than the paycheck basket. A dirty little secret, however, is that it would have been crazy to do so. Pension underfunding (really, benefit overpromising) is too good a bargain to pass up -- a cheap option on government-paid pension benefits in the event of bankruptcy.


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May 22, 2005

Super-size me!

I have been appointed referee for the cheeseburger eating contest.

Dear Cluster Pals and Palettes,

In response to recent talk about the declining state of Columbia athletics I am pleased to invite you to the Inaugural Columbia Business School

CHEESEBURGER EATING CONTEST

The venue which has been earmarked is a Scottish themed contemporary American dining establishment known as “McDonald’s” at 125th and Broadway. The rules are set out below:

1. The winner shall be the person who consumes the most “Cheeseburgers” in one hour exactly. For those who prefer, plain “Hamburgers” or “Veggie Burgers” are acceptable alternatives.

2. Each athlete shall pay $10 to enter with the winner taking the entire pool. In the event of a tie there will be a play off which will consist of the speed consumption of a small packet of fries. (In the unlikely event that we still have a tie the prize pool will be placed at a distance of 50 paces from the athletes who will then undergo a straight forward footrace to claim the bounty).

3. Each athlete must bring a trainer to work their corner while they compete. The trainer may provide advice, encouragement and soothing stomach rubs as well as designing strategy and tactics. They may also purchase the cheeseburgers to be consumed and must keep an accurate and verifiable record of their athlete’s final number. Trainers may not aid in the consumption of the burgers. It is recommended that trainers wear towels around their necks so that they look like those people in the corner of boxing matches, they should also be prepared to occasionally shout “Eye of the Tiger, Rock, Eye of the Tiger” and ideally have a stopwatch slung around their shoulders for no very good reason other than it looks cool. Unnecessary aggression and baiting of opponents is also encouraged (“You know, bud, you’re a real quarterpounder. Take a look at my guy right here, now that’s a halfpounder…he could eat your personal best for breakfast”)

4. The competition will be held on Wednesday 25th May at 3:30pm until 4:30 pm following our Operations class (it will therefore solve a dual purpose of seeing how the restaurant copes with the surprise order of 60 odd cheeseburgers as an operational bottleneck and dispelling our Operations induced cravings for hamburgers).

Please let me know if you wish to compete and who your trainer will be. Otherwise please come along to spectate. We currently have five confirmed athletes:

Maury “El Gaucho” Pages – This lean, mean cheeseburger eating machine hales from Argentina, the spiritual home of dangerous beef consumption. Weaned on jerky, Maury was eating twice his bodyweight in ground chump steak from an early age. He is the current holder of the South American Pork Chomping Cup and is an honorary member of the Latin American Meat Eating Society.

Casey “The Black Widow” Dove – Beautiful but deadly is how none of her fabricated opponents have never described this wholesome all American scourge of hot sandwiches. Her nickname comes from her unlikely habit of eating her unsuspecting competitors into defeat and then eating them from their head to de feet. Casey holds the US records for Whoppers and Fillets O Fish, the only person to ever achieve the elusive Surf and Turf double.

Ames “Go Large” Brown – From a distinguished family of power eaters, Ames has eaten himself fit to burst at many of the world’s finest establishments. He was famous for once ordering the renowned menu gourmand at Maxim’s in Paris and, on being complimented for his choice, breaking the chef’s heart by then telling him to simply “mix it all up in a bucket and give me a spoon”. Ames has also been carried from the Ritz in London in a soufflé induced state of unconsciousness and was once refused service at the 21 club for ordering 22 entrees.

Itamar “The Ironman” Har-Even – In peak cheeseburger condition, this tri-eathlete regularly competes in the professional Iron Man Eating World Tour. The events consist of an all day menu of gluttony, from the 50-egg breakfast omelet through the club sandwich lunch (the club has over three hundred members) to the deadly dinner of death, a chest clutching array of deep fried cheese a la creme served on a bed of lard candy and washed down with neat whisky (comes with a nice salad – romaine or crispy lettuce).

Rob “British Beef” Baruch Bush – Driven crazy by the mad beef of his native land, Bush is a dark horse in the competition. When he is not competitively consuming cheeseburgers he sits around in his underpants at home sniffing stolen clothing, watching Geraldo re-runs and muttering incoherently about how he’ll show them all for rejecting his idea of a genetically modified army of super mutants. Oh yes he’ll show them…laugh at me will you…insane am I? We’ll see who has the last laugh when I enslave the human race and have them construct a mighty statue in my honor, 8000 feet tall and hewn in solid marble…

The Vegas odds have been published, but before the competitors get underway, I want to note the following in public:

1) Contestants are allowed to expel the contents of their stomach into a bucket provided by the trainers; doing so once or multiple times does not deduct from one's total consumption, provided that the food expelled actually reached the stomach. Betters should investigate whether any competitors are former bulimics, as this might give them an advantage.

2) All competitors and their trainers shall provide me a signed affadavit swearing that if they eat themselves to the point of death or illness, it's their own damn fault!

3) The referee reserves the right to end the contest for health and safety reasons and declare a winner.

(Happy Birthday, Janelle and Matt!)

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May 21, 2005

North Carolina meets the Upper East Side on the Riviera

The best race of the F1 circuit, the 63e Grand Prix de Monaco, is tomorrow morning. It's on Channel 123 on Time Warner Cable; the main networks are carrying such enjoyable things as Arena football.

For those unfamiliar with the GPM, it's a city street race that winds from one end of the Principality of Monaco to the other: from the front doors of the Casino Monte Carlo, through a tunnel under a hotel, down Ave President JF Kennedy, along the quay of the Port, and around in front of the old palace. Monaco itself is a tiny strip of land along the French Riviera, population 30,000, that has been ruled by the Grimaldi family since 1297. The country has no taxes, making it a haven for old-money billionaires and other less savory types. Every other car is a Bentley, Roller, Ferrari, and real estate prices cause blushing even among veterans of the New York real estate market.

Unlike the he johnny-come-lately races, the GPM has been around since 1929. As the Automobile Club de Monaco describes it:

There were 16 cars on the starting grid, positions drawn by lots: 8 Bugattis, 3 Alfa Romeos, 2 Maseratis, 1 Licorne and 1 Mercedes SSK. A certain Englishman by the name of Williams, who arrived too late to take part in the official trial sessions, got up at dawn on the Saturday and stunned all onlookers with an unofficial practice run. Williams went on to win the Grand Prix in a green 35B Bugatti in 3 hours, 56 minutes and 11 seconds, with an average speed over 100 laps of 80.194 km/h. The race was a phenomenal success.

Race festivities last four days, culminating on Sunday's big F1 race. The normally-quiet country is filled with the rumblings of engines speeding through the streets, Monegasques hang out of their balconies, and wealthy yacht-owners relax aboard ship as the cars roar by. (The yachts are moved from Cannes the day prior, as the Festival de Cannes ends the day of the Grand Prix.) On the street, vendors hawk all manner of Ferrari gear, a bit like rednecks meeting the Upper East Side.

Here is a view of Monaco from one end to the other on the day before the Grand Prix. This is the view from the country's train station.

The Principality lies below the old fortress, part of the defences that kept the city from being swallowed by France, like happened to so many other formerly-independent principalities.

The country is so small that one only needs three digits on the license plate of his Ferrari.

One of the warm-up races as it winds through the streets.

A crash already! The crashes are by far the most fun part of watching a race, especially when the finish line isn't visible from one's location

After the race, people take their sports cars over the course. Here is a Lamborghini speeding into the tunnel.

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May 18, 2005

Yet another controversy at Columbia

Seeing a controversy at Columbia in the press is a daily event, but usually they don’t affect the Business School. The undergrads do not visit us often, so we’re not covered in the Spectator, and therefore what happens in the business school tends to stay here. That’s generally a good thing, since CEOs come speak on campus almost every day. Sometimes the things they say are a bit saucy, like when Jack Welch said that Human Resources Departments at most companies are “a dumping ground for losers.” But by and large, business leaders come here and expect to be off-the-record, allowing them to speak freely their minds.

Powerline picked up on a controversy where the CFO of PepsiCo spoke on Sunday to the graduating class at Madison Square Garden. Graduation speeches are notoriously hard to write; most of what there is to say has been said many times over. In trying to be original, Pepsi’s Indra Nooyi said a few things that sound a bit ridiculous, such as how the US is a big middle finger that flicks-off the rest of the world.

Because the U.S. – the middle finger – sticks out so much, we can send the wrong message unintentionally. Unfortunately, I think this is how the rest of the world looks at the U.S. right now. Not as part of the hand – giving strength and purpose to the rest of the fingers – but, instead, scratching our nose and sending a far different signal.

And there was this unnecessary put-down of Africa:

First, let’s consider our little finger. Think of this finger as Africa. Africa is the little finger not because of Africa’s size, but because of its place on the world’s stage. From an economic standpoint, Africa has yet to catch up with her sister continents. And yet, when our little finger hurts, it affects the whole hand.

From here it went to a discussion of US businesspeople and Chinese loos, the typical stories of offensive Americans overseas that any experienced traveler can tell in spades.

Nooyi’s speech reminds me of people in Indiana who innocently display lawn jockeys, not realizing that the world around them has changed since the lawn jockey was used to signal Underground Railroad stops. Nooyi misses the reality that we conservatives have learned how to enforce political correctness. We learned it from the Democrats, who have countless conservative heads on pikes mounted at the gates of their headquarters. It's no secret that in today’s political correctness, speaking ill of America is a big no-no, though apparently not everyone has received the memo. After hearing liberals disparage this country and blame America for 9/11, it’s reasonable that many people would be sick of hearing about what’s wrong with America, no matter how well-intentioned. I think Nooyi tried to convince people at the speech to make America a better place, but the outdated hand analogy was not the right way to say it in today’s polticially-correct world.

It’s worth appreciating the role that business leaders play at Columbia Business School. When they say they meant no harm, they’re probably right, and we should thank them and hope they return.

UPDATE: The Big Trunk has posted a long compilation of replies on the topic, most written by better writers than me. I have trouble writing effectively when the topic is just something sophomoric that never should have been said in the first place and when it has more or less been retracted by its source.

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May 17, 2005

St Petersburg and Moscow pictures from last week

The great rivalry in Russia since 1703 (when Peter the Great founded St. Petersburg) has been Moscow vs. St Petersburg, and it continues today. Consider:

There are some similarities, too. The mafia is a problem in both cities, with the airport cabs a particular problem. Bribery is also common, though we were more successful in bribing people in St Pete than in Moscow. Both cities also use roubles, but by the time we got to St Pete, we started calling them "pesos" since "rouble" in Russian is written "p." There are also a lot of drunkards, though I was accosted by many more drunks in Moscow than in St Pete's (5 times vs. once). The tie-breaker for me is the tourist overcrowding in St Pete's. Busloads and shiploads of Germans, French, and Finns make for long lines at the tourist sites--long enough that it may just be worth $200 for the group to bribe a guard to cut the two-hour line and go through the back door (which is exactly what we did). So I cast my vote for Moscow, which is still delightfully untouristed, though its palaces and castles (except the Krelmin) can't shake a stick at St Pete's.

I have posted here a set of pictures each from St. Petersburg and from Moscow. It's not necessary to sign-in to view them, and I encourage you to view with captions. (To view without signing in, use the blue button on the lower left of the ofoto front page.)

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May 16, 2005

The 9 Old Men say, "pop that bubbly!"

One of my favourite times of the year is June, when SCOTUS (the Supreme Court) releases its decisions. Unlike, say, Congress, it's hard to disagree with most of SCOTUS's decisions. Perhaps if the job of the Supreme Court were to pass highway bills, create incompetent agencies like the TSA, and make idiotic laws like Sarbanes-Oxley, it would be easier to dislike the Court. But the job of the nine old men is to strike down excessive jury verdicts (such as in State Farm), overturn everything done by the activists in the Ninth Circuit, and clear away pointlessly restrictive laws, like they did today.

At issue in today's ruling was the shipment of wine across state lines. Some 24 states have Prohibition-era laws that prohibit wine from being shipped from out-of-state into the state. SCOTUS struck down these laws, saying that the constitution prohibits discrimination against out-of-state firms. It's not a total victory; there is a danger that the liquor distributors (a bunch of useless leeches) will pressure legislatures to get around the ruling by prohibiting any sort of mail-order wines.

The Court's dissent argues that states should be able to regulate wine shipments in order to control underage drinking. We're lucky that only four of the nine old men are so naive. Underage people get their hooch from older friends, their parents, and legitimate bars that don't card. And they drink the cheapest stuff they can get, which isn't wine bought online. The least of our concerns should be the 20-year-olds who calls their favorite winery to have themselves sent their favorite bottle.

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May 15, 2005

Paris pulls a fast one

Paris Hilton just wrapped up latest season of The Simple Life and soon will have a big Carls Jr ad premiering, presumably in the West Coast. At right is a screencapture from the ad, which gives me the same disappointment as when I see a cigarette ad with a beautiful woman who has an ugly cancer stick hanging from her fingers. Fast food hamburgers are like communism, cigarettes, being a hippy, bad wine, and pot: fun to joke about but not something one wants to experience in person.

UPDATE: Egad! Tinkerbell has her own book. I'm speechless.

UPDATE: Tinkerbell's book is actually pretty funny. Examples:

"For an animal that's been so forcefully bred behind the genetic eight ball that taking a shit requires me to stand on my tippy toes, this is shaping up to be quite a life."

Tinkerbell has been put into a pink angora sweater and comments:

"I'm one of those dogs now, the kind that people cheer when a falcon swoops down and disappears into the sky with one in its talons."

If Amazon had allowed a bit longer except, I'd have more to say. No, I'm not buying the book, even though it looks funny.

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May 14, 2005

Otis the Town Drunk arrested again

There are worse drunkards than MBA students:

PORTAGE: Douglas E. Smith, the man who calls himself "Otis the town drunk," was arrested Friday on a public intoxication charge -- marking the 64th time he has been arrested.

Portage police said Smith called them asking for a ride home since no family members would pick him up. Police said his blood-alcohol concentration was 0.15, so they took him to jail instead.

During an earlier interview with The Times, Smith said he began drinking when he was about 18. He said he's walked around with a blood-alcohol concentration of 0.45, enough to put most people in a coma. Court records show Smith has been treated for alcoholism numerous times, including at least three inpatient stays.

He said he can drink two cases of beer in a day, or can gulp down six bottles of wine or three fifths of hard liquor.

The Porter County Probation Department said Smith, if not the most arrested person ever in Porter County, is right up there. Smith said he's been arrested for public intoxication so many times that people he sees at taverns occasionally approach him and ask for his autograph. He's spent about half his adult life behind bars.

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May 13, 2005

Ivan the Terrible: a Russian hero

Ivan the Terrible, the Russian tsar from 1533 (age 3) to 1584, is part evil tyrant, part national hero, not unlike many Russian leaders. Living in the Russian imperial court could not have been easy, certainly not as a child-tzar as his family variously murdered each other, leaving the child a beggar in his own palace and emotionally isolated. The boy, as rightful claimant of the throne, lived in constant fear of being killed by rivals. Ivan took out his loneliness on animals (throwing them from the Krelmin walls), peasant women (going on rape and killing sprees), and eventually those closest to him. Ivan and his retainers even formed a pseudo-monastic order:

They regularly performed sacrilegious masses [from 3AM to 8PM] that were followed by extended orgies of sex, rape and torture. Frequently Ivan would act as master of the rituals, in which, with sharp and hissing-hot pincers, ribs were torn out of men's chests. Drunken licentiousness was alternated with passionate acts of repentance. After throwing himself down before the altar with such vehemence that his forehead would be bloody and covered with bruises, Ivan would rise and read sermons on the Christian virtues to his drunken retainers. [via]

Yet Ivan was also remarkably effective militarily, including retaking Kazan from the Muslims and attacking Livonia, as well as his massacre and torture of 60,000 people at Russia's cultural capital of Novgorod. (Some 200 were brought to Moscow and tortured to death in Red Square.) In his better moods, Ivan patronized the arts by commissioning such well-known cathedrals as St. Basil's on Red Square and the Church of the Beheading of John the Baptist. The tzar became so loved that when he declared his intention to abdicate in 1564, mobs descended on the Kremlin to demand his return.

Ivan lived his last years as an old man, isolated, lonely, and deeply unhappy; he did not know the limits of his ability to harm himself. On 15 Nov 1581, he beat his son's pregnant wife, causing a miscarriage. His son and heir, one of few people with whom he had a good relationship, argued with his father. Ivan the Terrible flew into a fit of rage, grabbed his iron-tipped staff, and plunged it through his son's head. One of the most amazing artworks in Russia captures the fear of the elderly tzar when he realized what he had wrought, cradling his nearly-dead son in his arms, bold eyes looking towards heaven, as fearful as King Lear. A little web picture can't do the wall-sized painting justice:

Following his murder of his son, Ivan fell into a deep despair that no amount of rape, torture, or masochism could eliminate. His two heirs were imbecilic and sickly, and gradually his health declined such that he foamed at the mouth, his testicles swelled, and his skin peeled. In his final year, Ivan made a list of all he had killed, paying monks to recite prayers for their souls. When soothsayers foretold of his death on March 18, 1584, Ivan swore to have them burned alive if they were wrong, but the old tzar kicked the bucket that very day. He was buried wearing a monk's habit.

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May 12, 2005

McDonald's around the world

I've been working for a few years on a McDonalds Around the World project. Although it pains my more-gastronomically-inclined friends, I eat a fair amount of McDonald's food when I'm abroad--in 26 countries at least. The benefits of McDonald's while traveling are many: food that is familiar to the stomach, cheap, and fast; all of which leaves more time and money to spend doing things besides waiting for a meal. In some places including Eastern Europe, McDonald's is a very trendy place that is considered "going out": just 1/3 of Eastern Europeans can afford to eat at McDonald's, and landing a job there is considered plum.

I've compiled here a list of some 22 McDonalds locations in about 20 countries on four continents. You'll have to click the continuation below in order to see them all, and you can click most of the pics for a larger view.

1) Aachen, Germany. Very industrial, like much of Germany.

2) Amsterdam, Nederlands. A few blocks from the red-light district. No, hash is not on the menu.

3) Athens, Greece. A favourite among Olympic hopefuls the week before the Games when I was in town. (Just kidding.)

4) Bangkok, Thailand. I don't think I actually ate here; Thai fast food was too good.


5) Beijing, PRC. Ordering is done by pointing at a picture menu on the counter.

6) Belgrade, Serbia. The only good restaurant in town.

7) Brussels, Belgium. I lived near the McDonald's on this street (Chausse d'Ixelles) for 6 months and never ate there, nor did I get a decent picture.

8) Chicago, Illinois. This is the view of the old Rock-n-Roll Cafe from my apartment. This is where R. Kelly picked up one of the many 16-year-old girls he banged.

9) Helsinki, Finland. Finns, like the French, are still rail-thin despite having a Super-size-me restaurant readily at hand.

10) Hong Kong. 16 of the world's top 25 McDonald's units are in Hong Kong.

11) Kobenhavn, Denmark. Copenhagen's McDonald's has walk-up service, since cars aren't quite the rage in Europe that they are in the States.

12) Krakow, Poland. The UNESCO-protected center of the Pope's hometown features a McDonald's.

13) Luxembourg. The capital of the world's richest country has a McDonald's on the main square.

14) Maastricht, Nederlands.

15) Johor Bahru, Malaysia. This tiny mall-based McD kiosk serves just drinks and iced-cream.

16) Moscow, Russia. The lines no longer stretch down the block and around the corner, but Russian McDs are still the popular hang-out place among the 14-24 demographic.

17) Oslo, Norway. Oslo has a plethora of great fast food places, and although one can easily drop $20 at these lunch counters, they make McDonald's seem quite boring.

18) Paris. They say that they hate Americans and McDonald's; a farmer named Jose Bove even disassembled one that was under construction. But the McDs in Paris are always jumping with people, and not just tourists.

19) Riga, Latvia. Ditto the Helsinki and Moscow comments.

20) Rome, Italy. McDonald's has a bar and serves wine--cheaper than water, in fact. Why not here?

21) St Petersburg, Russia. Several St Pete's McDs are located in former palaces.

22) Tallinn, Estonia. Built right next to the historic center's town walls; cute, huh?



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May 10, 2005

Where the bling was flinged

NEW YORK - I'm going to post a few lists of pictures from St. Petersburg and Moscow, starting with the easiest. If you've not read Crime & Punishment by Fyodor Dosteovsky or don't want me to spoil the plot, skip this post.

In Crime & Punishment, a desperately anti-social and nihilistic student named Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov murders an elderly pawnbroker with the goal of redistributing her wealth and doing some sort of social good. However, the brutality of the murder causes him to fling the stolen bling into a Petersburg canal and he eventually confesses. The novel was a poltical point to denounce the "smash everything" nihilism that was popular in 1860s Russia.

Fortunately, many of the places in Crime & Punishment can be visited today, including Raskolnikov's apartment and the pawnbroker's building where the murder occurs. The neighborhood is largely unchanged, described by Dosteovsky as follows:

Owing to the proximity of the Hay Market, the number of establishments of bad character, the preponderance of the trading and working class population crowded in these streets and alleys in the heart of Petersburg, types so various were to be seen in the streets that no figure, however queer, would have caused surprise.

In fact, there were 18 bars on the four blocks of Raskolnikov's street in the 1860s, and although some have gone now, the place is not much changed. Like the Lower East Side in NYC or Back of the Yards in Chicago, the neighborhood is occupied by mixed blue-collar types or a "human zoo" as the guidebook describes it. The haymarket now has a McDonald's and a Metro station where a 1760s church stood until it was blown up in Soviet times, but otherwise it too is a bit of a zoo lined with little kiosks selling alcohol or providing a few slot machines. Drunkards stagger about, babushkas (old women) slowly amble to food stalls, and men sing Russian karaoke at a mobile Karaoke stall.

There are two possible locations of Raskolnikov's apartment. Here is a picture of one:

For more pictures, click here for an Ofoto gallery.

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May 07, 2005

This St. Petersburg is not a sunny Florida resort

ST PETERSBURG (LENINGRAD), RUSSIAN FEDERATION - This morning at 8AM an overnight train pulled into St. Petersburg, Russia. In wagon 15, berth 3, my classmate woke us up as she parted the curtains and proclaimed, "this is the bleakest day I've ever seen." Indeed it was. St. Petersburg is at roughly the same latitude as Anchorage, Oslo, Stockholm, and Helsinki. When it is gray, all these places are ridiculously bleak, and they all start looking the same: gray water, gray clouds, gray Soviet-style apartment blocks. (OK, only in St. Pete.) By midday, however, the sun had come out and the city lit up under guilded onion domes, shining imperial palaces, and blinding reflections from the blond hair seen so often on the street.

I spent most of the first day at the Hermitage, the palace of Catherine the Great that now houses various staterooms and some 3,000,000 pieces of art, including excellent works collected by the tsars by Rubens, Rembrant, Picasso, Canaletto, Raphael, Leonardo, Michaelangelo, and other masters. We then embarked on a boat tour of the canals (which is mandatory for any visit to any northern European capital) and found a good Russian place where Dave considered ordering the bear meat but was turned-off by the price.

My time at this internet cafe is running short, but for now, it's worth noting that Moscow really exceeded expectations. After the disappointment of visiting Beijing, I didn't hold high hopes for the other major Cold-War-communist capital, but the city's cleanliness, relative efficiency, food, and cultural sites meant that we all enjoyed it.

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May 05, 2005

Red Square at night, tourists' delight

MOSCOW, RUSSIAN FEDERATION - It's 11.30PM in Moscow, day 3, and Russian tanks are rolling into Red Square. Last time I heard of tanks in Red Square (1991), the New York Times headline read, "KGB-Military Rulers Tighten Grip; Gorbechav Absent, Yeltsin Defiant; West Voices Anger and Warns on Aid"--as tanks were ready to fire on the Kremlin and the USSR disintegrated. Today, it's all part of a celebration for Victory Day (called V-E day in the US), which has closed Red Square since we arrived. In fact, the day we arrived, guards were accepting bribes of $10 to let tourists onto the Square, but we found that they have since cracked down.

Russia is, in many ways, what one would expect: the big, broad streets lined by Art Nouveau facades, strange rules, hard-speaking cops, and lots of red tape. The McDonald's is hopping busy, full of trendy middle-class teenagers with Brittney Spears blasting from speakers. Stalin's "Seven Sisters," a set of seven buildings in Moscow with copies in other Eastern Bloc cities, dominates the skyline.

In other ways, we've been surprised. For one, the Metro (subway) stations are amazing. A million people ride the subway each day, trains come every 60-120 seconds, and the place is the most well-organized zoo I've seen. The stations themselves are works of art, with many featuring elegant chandaleirs, marble and granite, mosaics of Lenin, and other architectural details saved for museums in other cities. In fact, Moscow is a very clean city, with almost no litter, and the public is generally very well-behaved despite their hard and stoic countenances. It's like Singapore but without all the stupid signs telling one how to board a subway.

A second surprise has happened to the men, who have noticed how aggressive Russian women are. "It's like they go out of their way to get foreign guys to hit on them," commented a friend today. "Do you think I look foreign to them?" I asked. Apparently I do. But frankly, I have no need for a Russian bride at the moment.

I guess it's not a surprise, and in ways it's pathetic, but the communist past of the Soviet Union has been fascinating. Today we visited the place where they dumped some old Stalin and Lenin statues, and I found myself eerily fascinated with the larger than life representations of the leaders. Communism killed 100M people, nine times as many as Nazism, but still there's some fascination with the communist leaders and Russian tanks rolling onto Red Square.

St. Petersburg is coming in a few days, and I'll get pictures of the Victory Day celebrations and fireworks over the Neva River for posting when I return.

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May 02, 2005

Serveur, moins d'obésité, SVP!

When my friend was in town last week, we went to a little French restaurant in SoHo, and I was quite suprised by the portion size. We skipped appetizers and found ourselves full after the main course! We could barely get the Provencal custard dessert down the hatch. It was a bit disappointing; usually one can go to a French restaurant expect portion sizes small enough that one actually wants (needs?) to order dessert. And who makes better dessert than the French?

Against this backdrop comes news that obesity among the middle and upper classes is soaring, from the WSJ:

WASHINGTON -- Obesity has long been a problem mostly of the poor, but new research shows that the more affluent are catching up fast.

In the early 1970s, 22.5% of people with incomes below $25,000 were obese. By 2002, 32.5% of the poor were. By comparison, just 9.7% of people with incomes above $60,000 were obese in the 1970s -- a figure that jumped to 26.8% in 2002.

Money for quality food aside, higher-income people are thought to be better educated and have better access to health care, so why such a jump among them? Dr. Robinson speculates that longer commutes, growing popularity of restaurants and possibly longer work hours since the 1970s are playing a role.

French restaurants have played a role--if one can't go to a French restaurant, have a four course meal, and leave with a bit of hunger still, then obesity is going to hit the middle and upper classes pretty fast.

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May 01, 2005

Rushing off to the East

I am off to Russia on Monday and hope to live-blog with an entry every day or two. I depart Monday night and arrive in Moscow on Tuesday night and then take a long, greuling, painful overnight train to St. Petersburg, returning to the States on 10 May. I've been to the former USSR (the Baltics: Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania), but this will be the first visit to the land of Lenin, Trotsky, Rasputin, Raskolnikov, and Anastasia.

I'm looking forward to the visit, as the week I spent in the Baltics last year was among the best weeks of traveling I've ever done. The Baltics are far enough removed from the well-trampled European tourist beat that each captial retains its unique character: mystical Vilnaus (Lithuania), bustling big-city Riga (Latvia), and the grown-up Helsinki suburb of Tallinn (Estonia). Give me this any day over Prague or Budapest. And the guys know what I've said about Latvian women (or you can look up the blog entry from when I was there last year). Here are some pics from the Baltics in July of last year:

The coolest part about Tallinn, Estonia, is the helicopter ride from Helsinki, Finland. This is one of few major international routes dominated by helicopter rather than plane. Flights leave hourly and start at 89 Euros, which has doubled in the past year.

Tallinn's centre, built on the Toompea hill, has been fortified since 1219 and attained great prosperity as a member of the Hanseatic League in 1285. It largely retains its 15th century character, as the town declined because of various wars in the 15th century and slumbered until the 1990s when it became an inexpensive "just across the gulf" suburb of Helsinki.

Small dunes and pine trees line the Baltic Sea cost in Parnu, Estonia. People in the Baltics are hard-core beach fans. A trip to the beach on a sunny day involves crowding aboard a train that passes Soviet-style public housing projects and continually loads on bikini-clad girls until the seaside is reached.

I did not expect to be walking through Riga, Latvia, and see a Maybach, the $350,000 Chrysler. Rents in the centers of the Baltic capitals are comparable to rents in major American or European cities, and some residents have done quite well for themselves. Nonetheless, the vast majority of the Baltic people are quite poor, with pensioners of Russian ethnicity suffering in silent, heartbreaking poverty.

Latvia's Gauja National Park is locally called the "Switzerland of Latvia," but the comparison is weak at best. The castle here was constructed in 1207-1266 by the Knights of the Sword, also known as the Livonian Order. Interestingly, a friend from Columbia (and reader of Transatlantic Zeppelin) can trace her family's ancestory directly to the Kinghts of the Sword.

The Lithuanian capital, Vilnaus, is perhaps the only city to host a memorial to Frank Zappa, erected by the city's active artists' community.

Some young Lithuanian girls feed adolescent swans at Trakai (population 6,111), a minor resort town outside the capital. A fortress was built on the lake in the 1300s to defend against raiding German knights, and today it is a popular picnic and wedding destination for well-dressed Lithuanian families.

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